Punchline

A brief English class transcript

Tea: Richard! You were in my dream this weekend!

Richard: I was?

Tea: Yeah, you were trying to kill me.

Richard: Oh. Well, dreams do come true sometimes.

Tea: *Laughs awkwardly.*

Richard: *walks away*

Tybalt (Bryant's twin): Ow!

Tea: Hahaha! Gemma, look, Dino hit Tybalt in the head with a book!

Tybalt: What was that for?

Dino: I missed

Tea: That was definitely an untethered projectile

Gemma: Haha, what?

Tea: ASR joke. There is no one from ASR in this class, so it wasn't really funny...

Gemma: Oh.

Mrs. Leon: Okay, we have cows, but they aren't our cows.

Tybalt: I told Dino that, but he didn't listen.

Dino (with computer on desk): Heh.

Caroline: Can I have a cow now?

Spanish Homework

Here comes another interesting translation, courtesy of yours truly.

We had to write what our schedule would be if we went to Hogwarts, using real teachers from school.

In History and Rights of Magical Creatures Class (taught by Opmin, of course), we learn about the history of magical creatures like ghosts and houselves. We visit the kitchen and meet some houselves. We read books that were written by ghosts and centaurs.

In Divination (taught by Mrs. Leon, my English teacher), we learn about the future. We have to write long essays about the information that we find. We use tea and a crystal ball. We observe dreams and look for a good future.

Arithmancia (taught by my math teacher). The teacher loves aritmancy. In this class, we learn how to use the numbers of the letters in our names to learn important information. We have tests and use calculators to do the homework.

My Spanish teacher teaches ancient runes. In this class, we translate the runes to English and Latin in order to understand them. We study the grammar and spelling of the runes. Sometimes, we talk in the language of the runes to practice.

The Music of the Mages (taught by my Music Theory teacher). The ancient wizards had interesting music. In this class, we listen to music like gregorian chants. Also, we talk a lot about whatever the teacher wants, like her new granddaughter. Sometimes, we write songs and play them.

In Artistic Transfiguration (taught by everyone's favorite drawing teacher), we make works of art that use skills we learned in the Introduction to Transfiguration class last year. We recreate what we see to practice and at the end, we can use creativity.

In potions (taught by Dr. A.P. bio) we use the rules of chemistry to make important potions. This year, I have created a sleeping draught, a love potion, and a potent poison. We spend a lot of time in the potions lab and use magic equipment and machines.

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To complete this post, I leave you with a brief essay on religion, crafted using my notes from last year's western midterm.

In the middle ages, religion was the only unifying force. This is because we don't have The Force, like in Star Wars, which would have been a much better unifying force, because, honestly, the church wasn't all that wonderful. It started with Charlemagne, who's name has a completely unnecessary silent G, because he was crowned by the pope. This basically consisted of Charlemagne dragging his butt down to the Vatican for a ridiculously long ceremony that culminated in the decidedly boring action of placing a crown on his head. The pope did stuff until the renaissance, but there were actually a lot of different popes, because, despite the divine power they supposedly have, they don't life forever.

The reformation was the reformation of religion, so, duh, religion changed. Big whoop.

In ancient greece, religion was used to explain life, because for all their super-intense pythagorean theorums, those greek peeps didn't know squat, and they used religion for values as well, and it provided entertainment, because they didn't have T.V. and needed religious ceremonies to fill their horribly empty days.

The End

Old People Doing Stuff

Grim Reaper Day was today, and I didn't feel that the assembly did particularly much. It felt impersonal and didn't really move me. I think part of the reason was that they never really said anything about the people who died aside from "it was my best friend," and the guy (who's probably only in it for the community service hours) was even worse. Listening to Opmin talk about what her brother was like during class had me staring at the desk thinking "don't cry" as I teared up, but the movie at the assembly just made me dizzy.

In English today, we discussed our weekends.

"My mom is graduating this weekend," Caroline informed the class. "She's getting her masters in education."

"Oh, that's so nice! What's her degree for?" Mrs. Leon asked.

"Oh, um, I dunno...she teaches third graders?"

The class laughed at her confusion.

"So elementary education. That's wonderful," said the teacher.

"Oh!" responded Caroline, "I was going to say that, but I didn't want to sound stupid."

"That went well," someone mumbled sarcastically, and the class laughed again. I then raised my hand.

"Speaking of people getting degrees later in life, my great-grandmother went to college when she was about 60," I said.

"What did she major in?"

"I dunno. It was before I was born, my Mom was just randomly talking about it last weekend, and it seemed relevant."

Another chuckle.

Then, Emily raised her hand. "My nana used to work as a secretary for a company that sold things to the army, but she found out that the younger, hotter secretary was getting paid more than she was, so she confronted the boss, who refused to pay her more, so she quit, started a competing company, and drove her old boss out of business, and now she sells stuff to the army from her attic as the only employee of her business. Go granny!"

Then, Dino spoke. "So," he said, making his usual unsuccessful attempt at a dramatic pause. "Speaking of old people doing stuff-"

"Old people doing stuff! What?" Mrs. Leon squawked.

"Well, they're old people, and they're doing stuff, so" *undramatic dramatic pause* "old people doing stuff. Anyways-" he paused, again "-my great-aunt- she's Caroline's great aunt too-"

"Wait," interrupted Rachel. "You and Caroline are related?"

"Yes," he said, and proceeded to explain their relationship in intimate detail before actually telling his story, which was boring enough that I can't remember it. He finished with, "So, see, old people doing stuff. I think I should trademark that. Old People Doing Stuff."

"My grandpa ate breakfast this morning," muttered Peter.

Caroline and I turned to Gemma and simultaneously said "What did he say?"

Gemma shrugged, and we all turned to look expectantly at Peter.

"My Grandpa ate breakfast this morning."

So old people CAN do stuff other than go to college!