Ends

The kids are all leaving. I've cried a couple of times. It's really, truly heart-wrenching every now and then, though it's also sometimes just "eh."

I'm not getting the MIT blogger application done. I quite simply don't have time, unless I just dig up an old story and mail that. Maybe tomorrow, but I doubt it. I'm busy--very, very busy--so it's looking like it's going to be me, you, and some more Semioverachieving for the next four years.

The stupid dryer didn't work, so all of my damp clothes are scattered around my room. Every surface has some sort of drying object on it. I really need to get Jared to come back and yell at me until there isn't anything left on my floors.

Love always,

Tea.

Just like I signed all of the summerbooks.

Return

I've been gone for a while, to say the least. The main reason for this was that I felt I'd outgrown the semioverachiever label. I was feeling like I was past whatever impulse drove me to start the blog. I'd also gone somewhat public, which was disconcerting (kind of gets in the way of rambling, emotional, boy-related posts). There was also the matter of the name itself.

Right now, I don't feel like a semioverachiever. I feel like an overachiever. I don't sleep enough, I'm busy, and I keep winning things and getting into colleges. I found that magic formula, got in everywhere I applied, and then got accepted to a gap year program every bit as prestigious. I keep winning at life, and I've started to feel like I'm actually powerful, like I could actually change the world, like I could actually make a difference right here right now.

I've lost sight of who I am. I don't mean that I'm supposed to be less of a beast, but I've been letting it get to my head. There are so, so many things I haven't learned yet. So, yes, I've managed to be the perfect applicant, and yes, I was told by a girl who is smart enough that people's jaws drop when they hear of her accomplishments that I "ooze brilliance," and people are impressed by my vision and insight and all that bullcrap--but I don't know how to right a rigorous proof, or maximize output from a wind farm, or build the designs that sit in my head. I don't know even basic statistics. There are huge, huge holes in my knowledge.

I need a college education to fill those holes. Sorry, Mr. Thiel, but I'm not ready. I'll take those two years after college, before grad school. They won't be with you, they won't have that safety net, but you know what? This won't be the only opportunity. I'm going to go to college with some of the smartest students in the world. I will come out of it feeling like an idiot--which is the point--but I will make opportunities.

I may not be ready to be a grownup, but I am ready to make this decision.

That was a digression, to say the least. I'd intended to discuss why I was coming back. The reason I'd stopped writing is that I felt I'd outgrown the label. But I haven't, not really. Yes, I'm 18, but I'm not an adult. Yes, I apparently win a lot of stuff, but there are a lot of things I don't win, and there's a lot that I have still to learn. I haven't become an overachiever just because I've been busy. I'm still just me, and I still care more about my friends than I do about being top of my class.

I can overachieve later. For now, I will return to attempting to be myself, whatever that entails.

I wish that I wrote something other than college essays

Because then I would have interesting things to put here. As it is, all I have are not-so-interesting stories, bad jokes, and rants over nothingness.

I think I'll go write a backpost.

Yeah, yeah, yeah

I've been a very bad blogger, I know. I'm working on it. I am, I am, I am.

To start with making it all up to you, I'm going to dive into my old schoolwork. Because I know you all really enjoy that (I know that a lot of you don't. But I'm doing it anyways.) Yay!

From what I can tell, I left off work in the middle of the Science Research folder of freshman year. So, basically, back when I actually did work for that class, instead of just continually reformatting my paper.

The first article is a study which found that leukemia with slower cell division is more successful, partly because it allows them to avoid therapies designed to destroy cells that divide quickly (this is why hair falls out during radiation: it divides quickly. At least, I think that's why...). Scientists found this by studying the p21 gene. I wonder if all p-genes are related to cancers.

The second article is about which transcription factors must be turned on to render somatic cells pluripotent. Prior to this study, Oct4, Sox2, c-Myc and Klf4 were needed to change fibroblasts into stem cells (genes have such fun names). This work found that Esrrb can replace the last two entirely, as it regulates expression of Klf4 in stem cells. It can also bind to the reprogramming factors Nanog and Oct4, thus inspiring (not the right verb, but whatever) pluripotency.)

The third article is no longer at the link I have. According to my notes, embryonic stem cells are derived from preimplantation embryos, which I've known since I did my independent study project on stem cells in sixth grade, but it apparently is still a piece of information that needs to be included in discussions of science. These cells have normal karyotypes, but I don't remember what karyotypes are (google newsflash: it's the number and appearance of chromosomes in eukaryotic cells). These cells have high telomerase activity, and telomerase is that protein that reverses telomere reduction and is totally going to cure aging someday. The cells have pluripotent markers and can divide for an über-long time. If they differentiate into neurons (or, as Sadie would say, nyoo-rons), various growth factors, antagonists thereof, and morphogens become activated. I miss bio, but not enough to give up physics. Apparently, though scientists try to control this, they have trouble making all cells differentiate to the same thing. It still sounds cool, though.

The fourth article is about how the reprogramming factors work. Scientists examined when in the cell cycle and to what genes the pluripotency factors bind, and they found some nifty stuff. I just got really distracted by the fact that I now have access to Cell, where the actual journal article I couldn't read way back when I was doing this research is located. There are pictures. I can see them! I love summerschool's database access.

The last article is basically investigating the whole chimeric embryo thing. It found that differences in karyotypes and mitochondria will prevent inter-species hybrids from being formed. These scientists made a bunch, and none of them divided particularly much. I was kind of confused, because I thought human-animal hybrids were illegal, but apparently not.

I have now relearned something today.

Dear World, Fate, and What Have You

Why are you so fucking stupid? I don't like having to write two grief posts in one year.

I'll miss his bedhead.

http://xkcd.com/791/

There Was No School Today

So I went shopping, and I bought this amazingly fuzzy sweatshirt, and these t-shirts. Then I went to the Y and swam, and I ran into Richard's mother, who apparently knows who I am, and it was rather awkward. Then I had a piano lesson, then I came home and read some more of American Gods and wrote back to Andy and ate dinner and read some more and used the computer and wrote a blog post.

Well, since that's rather boring, let's do another English event.

Feminine Irony is the title of this paper, and it exemplifies my ability to make all essays about feminism, religion, or both.

During the Elizabethan era, England had a female queen. However, this is ironic because, incongruously, women had no other power, and the queen kept her power frequently by repressing her own femininity. Isn't that fun?

For one thing, if Elizabeth got married, she couldn't be queen, which pretty much sucks. Also, I used the line about denying her femininity here, not in the first paragraph. Oops.

Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet demonstrates that those gosh-darned Elizabethan females were weak, powerless, and repressed. Juliet doesn't get to choose her own husband. Then she offs herself. That is not fun. It is not fun at all. It is, really quite tragic. When I saw the show with Nyx, I cried for a good half hour afterwards, and then we went home and talked about how sexy the guy playing Romeo looked shirtless. He really did look good. Probably about as good as Norman, this guy from California who's going to RSI next year who's using a picture of his entire swim team in swimsuits as his profile picture, and they all look rather, uh, nice. What was I talking about again? Oh, yeah, Lord Capulet is a dickwad, right.

Oh, also, I need historical research in this paper. So, check it out, women were property of their husbands, and I'm going to back it up with laws and literature. Is that some great consonance or what? Anyways, I'm not going to bother with that sort of thing. I'm well above it.

Queen Elizabeth's situation was unique. Life sucked for everyone else.

Libros Para México

I'm working on lining up seven posts for the next week, so you won't have to miss me while I'm gone. This "planned posts" thing is really ingenious.

For now, I'm lining up books for break. I'm bringing twelve. Dad says I'm insane, but I think it's important to make certain I have enough with me.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith: a retelling of Pride and Prejudice that involves zombies. The first sentence in this book is "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." This is vastly superior to the opening of the original, which reads, "it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

Impossible, by Nancy Werlin: This book has the all-time most beautiful cover I've ever seen. It's got a girl, I think she looks Asian but her face is covered so I don't know, in a blood red dress, standing in a marsh, with these huge, gorgeous mountains in the background. The cover quote is by Gregory Maguire, who wrote Wicked and is awesome. It's based on the song Scarborough Fair, which I love, so it should be good.

A Fine Passion, by Stephanie Laurens: The Baron has come home to intrigue, duplicity and peril . . . and the only woman in all of England who sets free his hidden passions, reads the caption on the inside front cover.

I Thee Wed, by Amanda Quick: Another romance novel. It's heroes are Edison and Emma, and I think that's so adorable I just had to read it.

The Forgotten Legion, by Ben Kane: Ben Kane is a solid name. This one is Ancient Rome, from the perspective of the scum rather than the leaders. If it's any good, I'll probably loan it to Gretchen, as it seems like her sort of thing.

The Goose Girl, by Shannon Hale: Princesses, princes, animals, and magic. Exactly the sort of books I was devouring in middle school. I couldn't resist the urge to get just one more.

Remember When, by Judith McNaught: another romance novel, but this time set in the modern era, but with all of the same silly ideas about marriage. It also has an extremely unscandelous cover, so can be easily hidden.

A Summer Affair, by Susan Wiggs: These protagonists are Isabel and Blue. Again with the wierd names. It's about a doctor and a fugitive. Should be horrifically exciting.

Suite Scarlett, by Maureen Johnson: A fun book about teenagers from the woman who wrote 13 Little Blue Envelopes. Should be a good read.

The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms, by N. K. Jemison: This one is coming out February 25th. I got a pre-publishing copy from the school library, and it looks to be an exciting bit of fantasy. Weirdly, I got through the first chapter and thought to myself "this girl feels black," and proceeded to read the next chapter with that as my mental picture. Turns out the author is African American, so she probably imagined the hero as such. I'm still not sure how I got that out of it, though.

Harry Potter y la cámara secreta, de J. K. Rowling: Opino que sea apropriada si leería una novela en español cuando estoy en México.

City of Ashes, by Cassandra Clare: the second book of a series that is very, very good. However, the fact that the main character is named Clary by an author called Clare is a little bit weird.

Why I Have Not Posted

I can't decide what to write.

First, I figured I'd recount the math meet. But, other than, we did math and I was awesome and beat both Irving and Bryant, there wasn't much that was particularly exceptional. My prize was a little beat-up quiz game, and is vastly superior to Argon's Chartwell's poster.

I debated sharing the prostitution joke. Namely, that, upon my telling Owen that Dino was paying me twice what I asked for for his poster, Irving's immediate response was "you must have been really good, then." Yes, I have now been a victim of a prostitution joke related to Dino. As I said to Owen and Irving, I'd really have preferred that I didn't here that.

Although, the advice to pour water on Dino's head in order to short-circuit him was sound.

Speaking of which, I don't believe he's paid me back yet. A water bottle may be in order, although I doubt Señora would approve.

Dino's response, when I told him this as we walked up the stairs, was "Do I really sound that much like a robot?"

"Well, kind of, a little bit."

"Seriously?"

"Well, yeah, you kind of do."

"Wow. I was expecting you to say 'oh, no, Dino, not at all.'"

"This from the guy who is constantly cruel in the name of honesty, Mr. I-tell-it-like-it-is."

"I am not cruel."

"You kind of are."

"Am I really?"

I looked at him.

"Fine. Name one time I've been really, truly mean."

"You called Ali stupid."

"She's was being annoying!"

"She was extremely torn up about it. She's very sensitive."

"Ali? Sensitive?" He was utterly incredulous.

"Yes, sensitive. She was almost in tears later. She's insecure about her intelligence."

"I don't really think she's stupid."

"I know that, but she doesn't."

He shook his head. We walked in silence for a moment.

"Awful couple," he said.

"Sorry, what?"

"Awkward couple."

"Who?"

"Mercle and Charlene."

"Huh?"

"They just walked by."

"I didn't notice."

"They're a weird couple."

"Agreed. I can't imagine wanting to date Mercle."

"I can't believe anyone would date Charlene."

"Maybe that's why they're together. Neither of them can get anybody else."

"Maybe."

The irony of the two of us, both perpetually single because we've never bothered to try, critiquing people who's only difference is that they actually did, remained unsaid. After all, when one is trying to make oneself feel better about one's lonely state, it is advisable to point out the many flaws of relationships.

This is similar to both Owen's and Dino's prom related attitudes. They both have given the absolute same description I did for why they didn't want to go to counties- I don't like music, it's a lot of drunk people, I can't dance, etc. I know, however, that my issues were actually rooted in "who the hell will I go with" and general insecurity about the same topic, and I have a feeling that Dino and Owen think the same thing.

Caroline actually said to me later that Owen ought to just ask someone, even her, his cousin, because he's nice enough that it's unlikely someone would turn him down. I have a feeling that Dino's luck would not be as good, although one never knows.

Dino's other reason: since he can't drive, the transportation would be awkward, and he doesn't want to humiliate himself by letting his date drive.

I think that he was just making up stuff by that point, but to each his/her own.

The other reason I have not posted is that I haven't ridden a horse at a speed faster than a walk in ages.

Dream Unweaverers Goes Live

Well, Nyx and I have gone and started a second blog. Now, I'm not going to start neglecting this one- I am a semioverachiever at heart, and that is not going to change any time in the foreseeable future. However, I appear to have suffered from a latent desire to interpret dreams. So, Nyx and I created Dream Unweaver, where we will, as you may have guessed, unweave your dreams.

Our first post went up today, and it's an interpretation of a dream of "Artemesia" that my loyal readers may have seen before. Never fret, however- more original material is forthcoming, and, if any of you have some dreams to share, give us a holler at dreamunweavers@gmail.com.

Summer Clothing.

Summer clothing is, I promise you, almost as fun as summer lovin'. At least, that's what I tell myself.

My haul for this year:

-green protect/respect/effect tee from Eastern Mountain Sports

-brown sneakers from some random outlet mall in New Hampshire

-bright green pants that are two inches to short (a hand-me-down from my little sister)

-jeans with patches on them from delias (ordered online, may or may not fit)

-pale blue Save the Earth tee

-light wash version of jeans I already own, also ordered online.

-one knee-length green skirt from the sale rack at Anthropology

-gray leggings.

Both pairs of jeans were 19.99. Yay cheap pants!

I feel that, since this is my blog, I have every right to use the space to brag about my shopping conquests. At the very least, I can use the new clothes to alleviate my back-to-school stress (I already feel slightly nauseous). See you soon!

Gooogle

I have received my first hit from a search engine, by someone using the term "webdings pencil." I feel so cool, as well as well integrated into the fabric of the web.

In other news, my grandparents are visiting at the moment, so whenever we go on the boat, we can't go faster than like ten mph, which is really boring. We did manage to get ice cream anyways though. When we were going into the harbor in the boat, four boys who looked like underclassmen in high school were jumping off of a boat dock into the water, and they waved at us. On the way out of the harbor afterwards, we pulled over to their boat house and asked if we could jump off of it. They looked ready to say yes, but their Mom yelled "No!" so we didn't get to. It was really quite tragic.

Also, we went back to the blueberry farm today, and I noticed that cute-guy-who-works-at-farm (who did not smile at me this time) has about a zillion ways of telling people to move down the row they're picking, from shimmy on down to shake on down. It begins to sound like some strange new form of dance.

Apoptosis

is preprogrammed cell death. It's like suicide, but healthy.

Anyways, there was a post about it on Mad Scientist, Jr. today, and it reminded me of studying apoptosis during neurobiology first semester.

I totally should have written a section in my portfolio about martyrs and soldiers, dying for the greater good of humanity and whatnot, and compared it to apoptosis. However, I think the suicidal implications might have gotten me turned into guidance again, which would have been a pain.

My neurobiology biology professor (although I'm pretty sure he was actually only a postdoc) posted a bunch of apoptosis videos here. The best one I'm embedding below.

In other news, I came up with a nickname for the techie who makes me trip every now and again (although has since stopped): Gordy. The process behind it is that he is the Formerly Attractive Techie, or FAT. I came up with this while I was painting today, and I smiled a little. Then I heard a loud noise and realized that he was drilling right next to me and that my ass was practically in his face. Oops.