The Search For the Perfect Pair

Today, in Science Research, I was sitting at a computer between Mario and Julie. Julie was doing science fair stuff. I didn't want to work, so I looked over at Mario's computer. On it was written the following:

Mario: The Boss

Owen: Mr. Reliable

Irving: The Answer

Bryant and Tybalt Vaseline: The Dynamic Duo

I snorted and he looked over at me.

"Sorry for staring over your shoulder, but, The Boss? Really?"

"It's for Mrs. Macdonald. I'm trying to persuade her to keep our team intact for Moody's."

I looked over the list critically. "Do you think Tybalt and Bryant ever get sick of being referred to as one unit?"

He shrugged. "I like the names, though."

"I don't know, 'The Boss' is a bit egoistic."

"Yeah, but look at Irving. The Answer isn't really modest."

"But you're the one writing it."

"I'll send it from a fake email address so she won't know who wrote it."

"I have a feeling she'll be able to guess."

"I wonder if I can use one I already have. I used to have one for Tom Smith, and I still get phone calls about it."

I gave him a confused look.

"Well, you know those free things on the internet? I made a separate email address for them, and I always said my name was Tom Smith."

"You gave them your phone number?" I was shocked.

Wallace, who was on Mario's other side, made a garbled noise that sounded vaguely like a laugh.

"I wanted the free stuff!"

"You're not supposed to give out your phone number!"

"It's not like they knew my name. Besides, I moved across town later, and now it doesn't matter."

I shook my head and returned to reading an article for anthropology. A few minutes later he turned back to me.

"You know, I think you might be right. Dynamic Duo is a bit unfair to Bryant and Tybalt, cause they both really are smart in their own right. I think I'll do Batman and Robin instead."

This after he asked Garrett whether shape-memory polymers could be used to make a bat-cape.

"Which is Batman and which is Robin?"

He rewrote the statement to say

Bryant and Tybalt Vaseline: Batman and Robin (In no particular order)

"It still makes it seem like only one of them is useful. And people are going to assume that Tybalt is Robin, which is kind of unfair."

"True. Anyone know any more even superhero teams?"

"Superman and Superwoman," suggested Wallace.

I started cracking up. Mario searched 'dynamic duos' in google and clicked the wikipedia page. I searched superhero teams and got a list on wikipedia.

"You know, I think Mrs. Macdonald is more likely to have heard of these," I said.

"What do you mean?"

"That page is about the Korean pop group Dynamic Duo."

"Oh. Oops." He went to the same page I was on. "X-men?"

"Mystique is a girl. And there's more than two."

"Fantastic four! I wish there were only four of us, that would have been perfect."

"What about academic duos?"

"Scientists work alone."

"Watson and Crick?"

"These must be real DNA geeks, if you're calling them Watson and Crick," interjected Wallace.

"Who, Tybalt and Bryant? I guess so. They aren't really bio people, though," I said.

"Not Watson and Crick. Newton and [weird German name]? Everyone thinks they worked together, but they actually didn't."

Wallace and I looked confused.

"Maybe not. Hey, Dr. Verona, do you know of any famous pairs? Superheroes, or scientists, or something?"

"Batman and Robin."

"Where they're of equal standing," said Mario.

"No power imbalance," I added.

"What about the Alpher-Bethe-Gamow paper?"

"Alpha-beta-gamma?" I laughed.

"Look it up!" said Dr. V.

Mario searched it, and this wikipedia page showed up.

Dr. V spent about five minutes explaining the various reasons why this paper was cool. I laughed a lot, and Mario may have smiled a bit, but not a heck of a lot. When Dr. Verona left, Mario returned to google and typed something about famous pairs. He got a page with a few more on it. The fourth one down: Kirk and Spock.

I started laughing. "That's perfect! Bryant even looks like Spock."

"I can't believe it took us this long to think of that. Dr. Verona, why didn't you suggest Kirk and Spock."

"They aren't super heroes, they aren't really even a duo."

"Doesn't matter," said Mario. "It's perfect."

Fireyes

Today, during English, I glanced over at Alfredo. He was staring at a small spot towards the front of his desk. He looked rather as if he was attempting to set in on fire with his gaze. This continued for a good ten seconds before I got distracted at looked away. I think he's attempting to develop Matilda-esque powers.

Now, I don't know if all of you are aware, but one of my many pointless hobbies is reading dating advice websites. There's a certain amount of irony involved in that- probably roughly equivalent to Mario's reading Cosmo. One of them linked to this, which is (advisory warning here) basically inappropriate drawings of Disney heroes. I, of course, was thoroughly distracted. There's something both incongruous and enthralling about Prince Eric (from The Little Mermaid) making a "sexyface" at the camera and wearing next to nothing. I'd honestly thought that he didn't have anything under that billowing blouse. I clicked through all of them, actually laughing at Hercules (nobody can have arms that big, it just doesn't work), before going back and sighing over the skinny, geeky, bespectacled guy from Atlantis with the glowing blue pendent.

It's funny, isn't it, that I see just as, if not more, inappropriate pictures of women on a daily basis in everything from advertisements to museums, and yet these drawings feel so much more scandalous. I mean, seriously, naked girls are everywhere, but we still freak out over photos of penises on wikipedia pages that are completely related to the topic. It's sexism, I think, but I haven't the foggiest idea how to deal with it.

And yes, foggy is still my word of the day.

Cooliality

According to Ali, I am less cool than Tybalt. I am deeply, grievously wounded. Actually, I'm not really that wounded, I just enjoy being overly dramatic about it. Plus, everyone gets mad at Ali at some point, or she gets mad at them, so I consider it something of a right of passage. A right of passage into what, I'm not quite certain.

On a completely unrelated note, here are a few of my fears: public speaking, embarrassing myself while speaking in public, trichomoniasis, those freaky old guys they catch on To Catch A Predator, the creepy news reporter on To Catch A Predator, date rape, and crappy law enforcement policies at universities. Thank you, Health class, for improving my optimistic perspective on life.

Speaking of Health class, you know you have great friends when you can have an hour long conversation about circumcision without anything becoming awkward. I did this on gchat with Nyx last night. The highlight of the conversation is as follows:

N: but how did your parents come to be invited to his circumcision?

T: they're apparently friends with his parents, but they can't be that close considering I never even met him, I don't think, and OMG THERE ARE PICTURES OF DICKS ON THE WIKIPEDIA PAGE!

*dramatic pause that actually builds drama, unlike those stupid fake ones Dino enjoys randomly adding into conversations*

T: that was traumatic

N: AH SO THERE ARE. I'm reading it too. yikes.

T: I totally didn't see it coming and it freaked me out

N: jeez wiki

T: they oughta have a warning or something.

Things Nyx and I learned from our wikipedia adventure: be wary of photos of private parts showing up on wikipedia pages related to said parts, and check skin-care products to make sure that they don't contain foreskin, because it says on wikipedia that it's in some of them, which is really, like, gross.

Budget Cuts

I'm really not fond of the Connecticut Post. Now, I will admit that I haven't read a particularly large amount of it. However, I know that the Republican grandfather I don't like swears by it, and he and my grandmother keep dropping by and 'accidentally' leaving a copy on our kitchen counter. I think they're hoping that I'll read it and become hopelessly brainwashed. Up until now, I'd mostly managed to avoid reading said newspaper. However, my American Government teacher, Mrs. Hirten, who talks a lot like Sarah Palin but with more 'likes' and a greater knowledge of U.S. policies and laws, assigned that we read this article and write a page-long, four paragraph summary of it for class on Tuesday.

I did not like this article. I did not like this article for multiple reasons, but mostly because I think it's very impartial journalism. It includes bushels of quotes by republicans insulting the dems, accusing them of being unwilling to accept reality and of being "unable to resist the temptation of pork-barrel spending." They are even "insult[ing]" the economic crisis and grasping the state legislature in "a stranglehold." They then make a brief mention that the democrats are trying to save non-profit funding and health and humans services programs and other lovely things. That doesn't sound like strangling to me- it sounds more like trying to help our state do something for its residents. After all, like we learned in gov last week, Americans are unique in that we want to know what our government can do for us, rather than just letting it do whatever. I am going to restrain myself from ranting about how untrue this is.

This article is also prone to statistical warping and scare tactics. Apparently, there is "a new tax rate for the state's wealthiest that's 33 percent higher than the current 5 percent." Oh my gawsh, 33 percent! That's a third! That's a lot! I just can't afford that, wealthy as I am! Well, if you actually look at those numbers, the rate is going from 5% to 6.6%, which is hardly a huge leap. Aside from that, they don't mention what this is 5% of- income? property taxes? It's very unclear. Also, everyone keeps going on about how we're raising the budget by $900 million. Well, according to Wikipedia, the U.S. has a 4.20 annual inflation rate. The total budget, minus that 900 million, is 36.7 billion. That's 36700000000. Now, lets multiply that by .042, giving us about 1.5 billion. 900 million is less that 1.5 billion. Therefor, our budget is increasing by less than the inflation rate, and is therefore in effect decreasing! So why can't everyone be happy that we're cutting anything and stop yelling at each other about it!

Also, why on earth would the state senate start a 2.5 hour meeting at midnight? I mean, seriously, a lot of those state senators are old. It would be stressful to their delicate sensibilities to pull all-nighters.

Well, I feel a bit better after that rant. Maybe I'll actually be able to write an impartial summary. If the article in question has a conservative bias, is my summary impartial if it is conservative? or is it impartial if it is moderate? What a fascinating consideration.

Today, the New York Times had this little snippet in the back of it's Week in Review. I think I'm quite capable of forming an opinion. I may have become a socialist for U.S. honors, but there is no way in hell I'll become a Republican for American Government. It just ain't happenin.

Bloodwork

I went to the walk-in clinic today because Dad thinks I have lyme disease. Mom brought the results from my last blood test, a year ago. The doctor at the clinic took one look at the test and said that I didn't have fifth disease when the test was taken.
"what?"
"No acute antibodies. Only immunity."
I was shocked. That meant that all last summer, something was wrong with me, but not what I thought.
It was probably lyme disease. Which I could have treated the first week and been fine the rest of the time. Gaaaahhhhh.

Oh, and I'll answer my first question. How do people have green eyes?
"Green eyes are the product of low to moderate amounts of melanin and probably represent the interaction of multiple variants within the OCA2 and in other genes, including perhaps the red-hair geneGreen eyes are the product of low to moderate amounts of melanin and probably represent the interaction of multiple variants within the OCA2 and in other genes, including perhaps the red-hair gene"

answer curtesy of wikipedia.
Oh, and I am now on vacation. Posts will be somewhat sporadic through the 24th.

Ethnic Slurs

When discussing racial epithets with a black boy during U.S. history, you should

a-take a very serious tone and avoid saying any of said inappropriate terms.

b-insult him using said ethnic slurs

c-have an insightful discussion about the use of ethnic slurs by people past and present

d-google ethnic slurs and try to find the most ridiculous ones out there

Tea's answer is d, as demonstrated by her behavior today during U.S. history.

In this class, I was trying to find a racially insulting term that was not as bad as "nigger" but was nonetheless derogatory or had connotations that yielded associations with racism. I asked my group members, Joanie, Charles, and Emma, if they had any ideas. Emma, per usual, ignored me, but Joanie and Charles took it upon themselves to find something.

Joanie burrowed into her computer, not talking (which is unusual for her) while she looked. Charles immediately went to wikipedia and located this page. I went there as well, and he started at the top and I at the bottom, trying to find something suitable.

'Alligator bait' and 'gable' were bad enough, but by the time he reached 'porch monkey,' Charles couldn't take it any more. He dissolved into laughter, exclaiming over how utterly ridiculous it was. "Porch monkey! What?"

Not to be one-upped, I kept looking. "How about 'moon cricket?'"

"Moon cricket? Seriously? Like, what?"

I began laughing as well. "Could you seriously call somebody that with a straight face? I mean honestly, 'you moon cricket, you!' just sounds ridiculous!'

We kept laughing, and Joanie finally noticed us and looked up. "What's so funny?" she asked.

Charles waved a dismissive hand.

"Well," said Joanie, "I found the jackpot."

The racial slurs database contains such gems as 'cricket' 'dorito' and 'ghetto hampster'. To me, this sort of thing seems more ridiculous than rude, but I suppose that if someone had the nerve to call me 'fish-belly' or 'ghoul,' I would be upset. Even if the slurs themselves are ridiculous, I think it's the way they're said that creates the offensiveness.

Aye

There is a science database I often encounter that is called IEEE (pronouned ah-eeeeeeeee). No where on the site does it say what on earth IEEE stands for, and what its developers were thinking to choose such an unfortunate name. So, I wikipediad it. IEEE is the Institutions of Electrical and Electronics Engineers. I would assume that this is an organization that merges "electronics engineers," the people who do stuff with wires, and "electrical engineers," the robots, made out of wires, that help them.