Sheer Idiocy

Crazy people are crazy. I really wish I remembered what the one in the bathroom was going on about. She walked in, smiled at me, and then started going on about how desperately she'd needed to wash her hands. I ignored her and went into a stall. While I was there, another woman walked in, and Crazy started babbling on about how she was the devotee of some book. This book had taught her to go outside her body, and she'd been all over the universe, to the stars. It was awesome, and she just wanted to tell us about it. I can't remember the name of the author or the book, now, but Crazy kept repeating it.

It was utterly bizarre--at least it seemed that way to me, but I'm not accustomed to crazy people. My general idea of a crazy person is any Republican presidential candidate.

I'm flying away from Hawaii tomorrow. Getting home Monday evening. I really wish we'd just gone for the two marathon flights--I want to be done.

New England, Rediscovered

By the time we'd finished our own cooking (while attempting to ensure that the midwesterners didn't give anybody food poisoning), we were twenty minutes late, so Chao, Maxwell, Gopika and I raced (well, walked quickly) to 6-120 for presentations.

Now, I'm going to walk you through a presentation on the Northeast.

\begin{frame}{Title Slide: The Northeast}

aka Winners of the Civil War

Clearly the best region of the US

RSI 2010.

\end{frame}

When this slide was first displayed, Vito counted down 3,2,1, and we all simultaneously popped our collars.

We stood, in this order: Chao, Sarah, me, Patrick, Gopika, Zorah, Stratton, Livny, James, Maxwell. If there was anyone else, they're cropped out of my picture. We looked, if I do say so myself, polo-tastic.

\begin{frame}{Some Geography}

\begin{figure}

Map of the U.S. with New England + Pennsylvania + New York + New Jersey highlighted

\end{figure}

\end{frame}

James talked through the above slide.

\begin{frame}

Some History

-1775: Revolutionary War -- started in the Northeast.

-1789: Capital of US was in NY, then PA
-1804: Northeast started abolishing slavery
-1848: Seneca Falls, NY convention first discusses women's suffrage
-1865: Civil War - won by the North(east)
-1865: Northeast forcibly abolished slavery in the South
-1920s: Jazz popularized in NY
-1945: United Nations established, headquartered in NY
-1969: Woodstock music festival in NY
-2010: RSI 2010 held in MA

\end{frame}

James discussed this slide as well. The southerners started booing when he read the line about jazz, though. Poor form on their part, if you ask me.

\{begin}{frame}{Some People You Might Know About}

-Benjamin Franklin
-John Adams
-John Hancock
-Paul Revere
-Mark Twain
-Alexander Hamilton
-Theodore Roosevelt
-Franklin Roosevelt
-John Kennedy
-Carl Sagan
-Hillary Clinton
-Joe Biden
-The cast of Jersey Shore

\end{frame}

Maxwell took this slide. He got through all of them up to Carl Sagan, who he didn't know. Jersey Shore was also mysterious to him, so he finished by saying that whoever they were, they couldn't be cooler than Patrick.

\begin{frame}{North and South}

N: 55 million people.

S: 55 million opossums (before Sunday dinner)

N: 8 of the 13 original colonies

S: 12 of the 12 Confederate States

N: John Kennedy

S: George W. Bush (although he was born in CT)

N: Snow

S: Hurricanes

N: White collars

S: Rednecks

\end{frame}

I discussed that slide, and I got to make a lot of jokes at the expense of southerners (eating roadkill, lowbrow politics, etc.). It was almost enough to make me think that I'm funny.

\begin{frame}{Politics}

Map of the U.S. with Obama and McCain voting states mapped out.

Large image of a colored donkey.

\end{frame}{Politics}

I think I made Patrick take over at this point. Or possibly Stratton.

\begin{frame}{GeoPolitics of the Northeast}

If we look at a series of nations, we begin to notice a disturbing conclusion about the Northeast of each one. Now let's generalize...North Vietnam? Rebellious. North Korea? We beat them hard and good way back when. Anarchist Catalonia? We all know what they're up to. Thus, it is only a matter of time before our Northeast, too, falls to the rebellion.

\end{frame}

That bit was Vito's baby. I still don't quite get it, but the Catalonians seemed to find it funny.

\begin{frame}

Colleges in the Northeast

\end{frame}

Chao went up and listed about a zillion schools. Then we all tried to talk about our individual states, and we got cut off for time-related reasons.

Me? Tired? Nooooo

Cast of characters:

Dill, a crazy libertarian who thinks very highly of himself.

Livny, who we all know and love (or not, depending).

Stratton, who is secretly in love with Livny and only pretending to be straight (note: most guys here are in love with Livny. It is among the funniest things in the world).

Harold, who is a counselor.

Setting:

First floor lounge, some time after one in the morning.

Dill: I can bench.

Livny: Really? You can bench. *laughs at Dill's inferiority*

Dill: I do! I'm good.

Stratton: Hey, everybody, look at Dill.

Dill: I bench 160.

Livny: Oooh, 160.

Stratton: Check out Dill, he's totally jacked.

Dill: Hey!

Stratton: Look at those muscles. Ohhhh, man.

Dill: 160 is a lot.

Livny: Yeah, 160 is decent, I suppose. *looks at Dill, sizing him up* A bit of a stretch, but still in the range of plausibility.

Tea: 160...that's like me and two babies.

Livny, Stratton ignore Tea completely, Harold laughs, and Dill jumps.

Dill: Oh my god!

Tea: What?

Dill: I had no idea you were there!

Tea: Oh. Hi?

Dill: Yeah...

Bring Out Your Yarmulke

It's almost time to celebrate Hanukkah. I feel like that means that Vicky's birthday is soon. But I'm not positive. My memory is rather spotty, after all.

The one unfortunate aspect of Hannukah is the lack of really good music. Other than Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel, we're pretty much screwed. Sen. Orrin Hatch of Utah is trying to stop that. He may be a conservative Mormon from Utah, but he promises, he's Jewish on the inside.

An exact quote from the article: Orrin Hatch of Utah loves Jews, songwriting, and Hanukkah. He also calls Barbara Streisand his idol. I tried to find a link to a song I always hear on PLJ about a jew and a gentile where the Jew says he loves Barbara Streisand.

I have a feeling this reporters personal dislike of Hatch made him/her a wee bit more tongue in cheek than is probably proper.

Fun facts- Hatch worked on the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, which was later struck down by the Supreme Court in a case whose syllabus I read for Government. What a coinkydink!

Also, Hatch tried to create a bill which allowed companies to seize your computer if you were found to possess pirated music or other materials. Very scary.

Anywho, here's Hatch's video, and here's the Adam Sandler Happy Hanukkah song, which I haven't heard yet this season, but really consider a necessity.

Tea Does Spanish

Señora is really a tad to prone to personal questions. For instance, my responses to the homework today:

If I lived on the island and didn't have a job, I would look for work as a babysitter because the children are pleasing to me.

If I could ask for the autograph of any person, I would ask for the autograph of the President Obama because he is pleasing to me.

If there was a limited amount of water, I would shower less times.

If I saw a person for the first time, I would not be capable of falling in love with that person.

If my parents made a toast on the day of my wedding, they would give me felicitations.

If I were Mario and I read a letter from Neruda (don't ask), I would hope that the letter is interesting.

If I had a son, I would give him the name Pedro.

If my spouse died before my son was born, I would become sad.

The Fall of Rome

I don't feel like posting anything interesting today. Instead, I will leave you with an essay on the fall of Rome. In italics and parentheses are my current responses to this essay.

The fall of Rome was a slow and steady decline. (Hook? what hook?) Its size was too great and its leaders too corrupt to control the wide spanning empire. Eventually, it was split further, into for sections, worsening the situation, and finally it broke apart into uneven chunks, each one claiming the Roman name as its own. The primary reason for the fall of Rome was political because of the inefficient dictatorial government and the difficulty communicating and governing across such a vast area. These difficulties are a reason that the tetrarchy was developed, which weakened Roman government further and cemented the empire’s decline. (This part is bold because it is my thesis. It is *special*)

The Roman dictatorial system was highly inefficient and corrupt. It placed supreme power into the hands of often incompetent individuals. For instance (I'm pretty sure that "for instance" is one of those clichéd phrases I'm not really supposed to use), Nero became emperor as a teenager. He was unprepared to deal with the great amount of power pushed onto his shoulders. He thought like a teenager, and “was carried away by a craze for popularity” (Suetonius 53), working for the poor in an attempt to make them like him. Rather than concentrating on the empire, he killed family members that might take his power. Instead of helping his city, he set it on fire so that he could earn money rebuilding it. He also ignored his empire and went to Greece to compete in the games. (I probably should have utilized parallel structure there) By handing Nero the empire, Rome made its situation worse (Although, seriously, if anyone wants a teenage emperor now, I could probably fit the job into my schedule). In the Roman government, the emperor was more powerful than a king. There were no checks placed on his power, and he chose his own successor. Nero lived hundreds of years before Rome fell, and did not directly lead to its fall, but he is an example of the Roman systems flaws.

Another problem with was that people were loyal to the emperor rather than Rome itself. For instance, Augustus attained the loyalty of the troops by have them swear allegiance to him. This worked well during his rule by providing highly loyal armies, but after his death, the soldiers were no longer sworn. Some were loyal to their generals, some followed the emperor, and others fought for Rome. This lowered the unity of the army. These armies would not fight as one, and would be more difficult to control and order, hurting Rome’s military abilities, essential for its survival. The general people also followed the emperor. “When the report of the murder of the Emperor Pertinax spread among the people, consternation and grief seized all minds, and men ran about beside themselves.” (Herodian of Syria) (Incorrect MLA formating! THE PERIOD GOES AFTER THE CITATION!!!! THIS IS A CARDINAL SIN!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!) The Praetorian Guard pushed Pertinax into power (I quite honestly have not idea who this Pertinax guy is). When he became emperor, he lowered the guards' bonuses. Furious, the guard killed him. This further demonstrates the corruption of the Roman government, but also shows how the people felt. They cared for the emperor, but they also feared the bloodshed of succession. People loved the emperor, but when the emperor died, their faith in the government would go with it. This contributed to the fall of Rome because when the people didn’t trust the government, they rebelled (HDYK?, oh innocent freshmeat me?).

The Roman Empire stretched across all of Europe, parts of the Middle East, and the Mediterranean coast of Africa. This entire area was controlled by a single man in Italy. Rome, an ancient civilization, had few means of communication (NO CELLPHONESSS!?!?!?!?! ZOMGGG!!!!). Messages could take weeks to get from Africa to Gaul, and moving armies took even longer. Marcus Aurelius spent most of his reign in the northern frontier, fighting Germanic tribes and attempting to expand into the Hungarian Plain. In 175, Avidius Cassius tried to take over the empire. “Leaving the northern wars, [Marcus Aurelius] traveled to the East, but Avidius was killed before Marcus arrived in the region.” (Herbert W. Benario) This further demonstrates that the distance was too great for the military and governmental figures to handle.

Also, the emperor couldn’t even control distant provinces himself. Egypt was “governed by prudent persons sent there in succession. The governor thus sent out has the rank of king.” (Egypt under the Roman Empire) The emperor had to send someone else to govern his land. Most successful Romans would not want to travel all the way to a far off area in order to govern. The people that ended up there would be the worst governors, the ones that weren’t good enough to have a more desirable area. This lack of control of distant regions left them susceptible to attack. (This is way more than three body paragraphs. What on earth was I thinking?)

In an attempt to improve control of the great Rome, Diocletian (Is this guy related to Dionysus? Cause if he isn't, I have no idea who he is) established the tetrarchy (tetrahedron!). This divided the roughly fifty provinces into one hundred, and created 4 emperors rather than just one, each of which chose his own successor. This caused more problems than it solved. The emperors fought with each other to achieve greater control. Eventually, they separated. The easternmost emperor broke off and formed the Byzantine Empire, which prospered for the next thousand years. Western Rome however, contained three emperors to start with, and violent disagreements were rampant. Only a few decades after Diocletian split the empire, Constantious (Spell-check says that this should be contentious. How very ironic/coincidental), one of the western rulers, died unexpectedly. His son, Constantine, tried to take control of the entire western empire, but was fought by Licinius. The empire was at first split between them, but they fought over that, and eventually Constantious took control. The empire, however, was soon divided again. Many other struggles ensued, and the empire was eventually split into many small competing kingdoms.

(This paragraph was literally tacked randomly onto the end, hanging out in a page of it's very own. Oh, my poor, woeful, little picture conclusion) By 600 A.D., Rome was done with its steady decline. Its name lived, but the great empire and its revolutionary political system. This flawed system worked against Rome, leading to corrupt dictators and, due to an immense size that the system couldn’t handle, an equally corrupt tetrarchy. The primary reason for Rome’s fall was therefore political.