August 30, 2009


Tea is attempting to e-file a provisional patent. Why, oh, why must our government make everything so confusing? Seriously, if I teenage prodigy like myself can't figure it out, the process is far to complicated (Submitting a patent qualifies me for teen prodigy status, yes?).

First day of school tomorrow. I already have my outfit selected and my backpack packed, and my mother has subjected me to a form of slow torture known as eyebrow control, in which she attacks my face with tweezers, I try to hide, and my sisters argue over which of my eyebrows extends further towards the middle. Apparently, my eyebrows have been preventing me from living a successful life.

Memo to friends: meet in the library, same as last year. I repeat, meet in the library.

See you soon!

Oolong Tea

When I googled different types of tea, oolong was the first to come up. Isn't it an awesome word? Oolong. Ooooooolong. Oolong!

Boo-yah! Another search engine hit! This time, the query was "what is sneaking around in spanish?"
The answer was, of course, not present on my blog, but that's the searcher's problem.

Yesterday, Gretchen and I went to see The Time Traveler's Wife. It wasn't awful, but it certainly wasn't great either. It was good enough that I cried at the end (Gretchen didn't).

This morning, Genie, Shelby and Mom sorted through the bin of stuff Genie didn't want that she'd given to Shelby. Shelby barely liked any of the clothes (This shirt is so high cut!), so Mom eventually got annoyed. I managed to snag a new black skirt-perfect for the school concerts I no longer participate in. Eventually, they got mad at Genie for throwing too much junk in the bin (I don't want expired toothpaste!). I went outside to do my forced 45 minutes of weeding before the fighting could escalate.

August 29, 2009

Summer Clothing.

Summer clothing is, I promise you, almost as fun as summer lovin'. At least, that's what I tell myself.
My haul for this year:
-green protect/respect/effect tee from Eastern Mountain Sports
-brown sneakers from some random outlet mall in New Hampshire
-bright green pants that are two inches to short (a hand-me-down from my little sister)
-jeans with patches on them from delias (ordered online, may or may not fit)
-pale blue Save the Earth tee
-light wash version of jeans I already own, also ordered online.
-one knee-length green skirt from the sale rack at Anthropology
-gray leggings.

Both pairs of jeans were 19.99. Yay cheap pants!
I feel that, since this is my blog, I have every right to use the space to brag about my shopping conquests. At the very least, I can use the new clothes to alleviate my back-to-school stress (I already feel slightly nauseous). See you soon!

August 28, 2009


This morning, we ordered Genie a computer. It is shiny, and actually better than my (not that I don't love you, beautiful, speedy baby) own, mostly because it's memory and processing rate and whatnot is just two years faster. Even better, it comes with a free ipod touch and printer, which are valued at $399 total. Big savings. Yay Apple! Even if it will be a 'family' ipod touch, I can still get excited about it.

August 27, 2009


Yesterday, Papa gave my cousin and me a lecture on the evils of electronic communications. First it was texting. "All you kids text every day, all the time, text text text text text." "Papa, it's hardly-" "Oh, yes you do! You text people you hardly even know! Why I read in the paper-" "I don't know about everybody else, but the majority of kids I know don't text that much." "Well my newspaper said they text constantly. Always. And Everyone. They even text strangers!" he told us with an air of finality. "And then there's this facebook and twitter. What's the difference?" My cousin started to explain, but her cut her off. "They twitter everything! And facebook is not private. Why, I read in the paper that..." blah blah blah, on and on and on. Apparently, everything he reads in the newspaper is true. Opmin would be disappointed.

Today, I looked at Bristol's facebook page. Her brother died a few days ago, and the whole profile is now covered in messages of condolence, that people are "sorry for [her] loss" and are "praying for [her]" (Yes, I can properly MLA format quotes from facebook). Margot and Christoph actually wrote the exact same thing (although Christoph wrote it first). George's blurb was uncharacteristically eloquent. I would write something, but I think anything I say would sound fake. I am sorry for her loss, but I'm more sorry about her brother's life being cut short, since I barely know her, but I barely even knew him, so lord knows if he had a life worth living, but I still feel badly, but I haven't the foggiest idea how to actually express all that.

August 26, 2009

Mi Casa No Es Su Casa

My house isn't your house, extended family members, and I would really like to have my space back.

Well, my cousins aren't that bad. Now that the one with Down's Syndrome who breaks/clogs/loses everything she touches (I love her, but DON'T TOUCH THAT COMPUTER!) is gone, things are a lot calmer. Also, I have my room to myself tonight, which is truly a blessing.

At least I'm home, and my shower actually works and my bed is comfortable and my piano is lovely (even if my fingers are so out of shape I can't play for more than a 20 minute block).

A prophecy written on July 17th, before fourth grade.

"The music holds and endless gift
Better together than divided
In wish to stop an endless plight
the 3 must be reunited.

Do you like it?
answer here:

The funny part is, I actually expected the journal to answer. The handful of entries are all written in magic marker, and are full of spelling errors.

Also, here is my idea of a more somber entry:
Dear Journal,
Last week was thaniversory of Sept. 11. The thin I don't get is why I didn't feel sad. I was more annoyed that people seemed to celebrate death. Oh, that reminds me, Dad got laser eye surgery, and now he doesn't wear glasses anymore. He doesn't look different to me though.

I have absolutely no idea why Sept. 11 reminded me of laser eye surgery.

August 25, 2009

The Best Day of my Life

Recorded in my 8th grade composition notebook.

The best day of my life was not all that exciting. It wasn't even unusual. to be honest, it wasn't even that great. I got my dog. I love him very much, but still, the event just isn't very exciting. It was when I was 5, around October. I was at home, looking forward to a day of playing Laura's Happy Adventures on the hulking, ugly computer that was, at the time, new. However, my dad had a different idea.
"Today, we're going to go look at pool tables," he informed my sisters and I.
"But Daddy," I complained, "I don't wanna. Pool tables are boring."
"Trust me, you'll have fun." So we loaded up the car and set out. The drive was long in five year old time, nearly 2 episodes of Barney (an hour). I spent the entire time explaining to my dad that that there was absolutely no way that pool tables could be "fun." When we got there, my Mom gasped.
"Ooh! Look!" she told us, clearly excited. "Golden retrievers. The pool table guy must breed goldens too. We should ask about getting one."
Dad began to laugh.
"SURPRISE!" He said. "We're getting a dog." We rushed out of the car, pool table forgotten, to look at the puppies. The breeder brought out the dogs, one after the other, for Mom to look at. None of the dogs had names, so my sisters and I called them by what they looked like. One dog in particular looked like he had forgotten to wipe his butt. We christened him "Poopy-butt," creative children that we were. Poopy-butt was very cute. He was big, and very fluffy. However, he didn't get as much cuddling as the other dogs. When he came near me, I would run away shrieking, "ew! gross!"
For Mom, however, Poopy-butt's cuteness won out. When he came to our house two weeks later, he was much cleaner. We didn't even recognize him. It wasn't until two months later that I discovered that Rufus and Poopy-butt where one and the same.

August 19, 2009


Genie, Shelby and I are standing in the bathroom, brushing our teeth.

"Hey," said Shelby. "That's funny. We're all wearing t-shirts and underwear."

I laughed and looked at my sisters. "Yeah, we are. Wait a second, Genie, that's my underwear!"

"No, it isn't!"

"Yes it is! It's spandex-y, and it has a black tag cut out in the back. Why are you wearing them?"

"They were in my laundry."

"They're still mine."

"Well, I thought they were mine."

"Well, they aren't. How did you not notice?"

"They'd been in my laundry for months-"

"They have not! I wore them a couple of weeks ago."

"No you didn't!"

"Yes, I did, and, anyways, you can't just claim underwear as yours because it comes in the laundry. I get your underwear in the laundry all the time, and you don't see me wearing it."

"Well, soooory!"

"You should be! That's my underwear, and you shouldn't be wearing it."

"I told you, it came in the laundry!"

"That doesn't make it yours!"

"Well, I thought it was!"

"It isn't!" I yelled. We'd migrated from the bathroom into the hallway, still yelling.

"Do you want me to take them off right now?"

"No! I want you to stop stealing my underwear!"


"Good!" I stalked back into the bathroom and resumed brushing my teeth. "She shouldn't be taking my underwear," I informed Shelby. "This is the third time I've caught her, and I don't even see her in underwear that often. It's ridiculous!"

Shelby laughed.

"Shut up!" Genie yelled from her room.

August 17, 2009

All About Me

This is a powerpoint presentation I made in 4th grade.

1. My Family
-My dad is an architect. He loves to ski.
-My Mom takes care of my sisters and I.
-Genie is my sister who is in second grade.
-Shelby is my sister who is in kindergarten.
-Rufus is a friendly three year old dog.
-Flossie is a shy and sweet six year old dog.

2. My Favorite Special Is Art
-I enjoy painting.
-I like making things out of clay.
-It's not too tiring.

3. My favorite animals are dogs.
-I have 2
-They are really fun
-They are comforting

4. My Hobbies
-Bike Riding
-Using the Computer

5. My favorite Book is Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
-I like fantasy a lot
-It really gets into the characters personalities
-It has a lot of funny bits

6. My Favorite Sport is Softball
-It's Fun
-I don't do too much running
-I can practice with my dad

7. Thank you for watching my show!
I hope you enjoyed it.

August 16, 2009

Old Friends

Shelby spent most of the week calling her friend from last summer, trying to get her to come visit. She finally did, today. This girl is extremely fond of King of the Raft, in which everyone tries to shove each other off. Shelby and her friend spent a good deal of time pushing, then they turned on me, so I did my best to fight them off, but still ended up falling in twice. Then, after they were both in at the same time, I said to Genie, "this was a lot more fun when we were wrestling the guy from last summer."
"Yes," she replied, "Him and all his muscly muscles."
The friend heard this, and told us that said boy "and his really hot friend" spent time at the beach last summer saying the following rhyme:
"Have you seen my beachball?" (flex arms over head)
"It's about this big," flex in, around belly-button.
"And it went that way," gesture with one arm pointed out, the other bent.
"or maybe that way," switch directions.

We were in hysterics for a good few minutes.

August 15, 2009


I have received my first hit from a search engine, by someone using the term "webdings pencil." I feel so cool, as well as well integrated into the fabric of the web.

In other news, my grandparents are visiting at the moment, so whenever we go on the boat, we can't go faster than like ten mph, which is really boring. We did manage to get ice cream anyways though. When we were going into the harbor in the boat, four boys who looked like underclassmen in high school were jumping off of a boat dock into the water, and they waved at us. On the way out of the harbor afterwards, we pulled over to their boat house and asked if we could jump off of it. They looked ready to say yes, but their Mom yelled "No!" so we didn't get to. It was really quite tragic.

Also, we went back to the blueberry farm today, and I noticed that cute-guy-who-works-at-farm (who did not smile at me this time) has about a zillion ways of telling people to move down the row they're picking, from shimmy on down to shake on down. It begins to sound like some strange new form of dance.

August 13, 2009


Oh my goshness. You will not believe who I saw at Dartmouth. Actually, on second thought, you totally will. On my list of people who would be looking at colleges right now, he's one of the top ones. Anyways, I'll give the rundown of the tour first, and you can wonder about who he is until I reach him.

First thing this morning, the whole family piled into the car and we drove about forty minutes to the campus, then Mom took the car and parked and the rest of us went looking for the admissions center. We found it fairly easily, and I, of course, immediately went looking for the bathroom. As I went looking, three different people pointed me in the right direction without me even having to ask. It was so nice and friendly (dontcha know). Then we went up the stairs and went into a room for the orientation/talking part. A Chinese woman (and I say she was Chinese because she said that she majored in Chinese, not just using Chinese as a euphemism for Asian. I suppose, for all I know, she could have actually not been Chinese, and just studied it, but most likely...) who looked a bit like Bette gave this whole talk about how Dartmouth works, with the classes after Sophomore year taking place during the summer, and four ten-week terms during the year, of which each student takes three, and study abroad programs for credit, and internships for students, and faculty availability, and on and on and on about all of this awesome awesome stuff. Shelby was bored out of her mind, but I thought it was all fascinating.

Then we went outside and formed tour guide groups. Two girls and two guys introduced themselves. The first one was a neuroscience major, the next was also a neuroscience major, and he was on the ski team. The other guy was majoring in Geography, and then the last girl said she studied math and computer science and played piano in a chamber group. When they told us to break into groups, Mom poked me. "Where to?"

"Math major!" I said, walking over there. The geography major called after us, "where are you going? You don't want to join my tour?"

"I let her pick," said my Mom, and that was that.

The tour guide began by asking us to warn her before she walked into anything, which she often does, and I pretty much liked her from there. She talked more about the school, and the classes, and the good food, and the diverse political leanings of the student body, and that New Hampshire is a swing state, so political candidates come through, and there are GRAND PIANOS (OMG) in practice rooms for whoever wants them, pretty much, and the science facilities are great, and undergrads participate in research, and performances at the art center, and so much else. The one thing I don't like is that 55% of the population is involved in the Greek system, and she said that during fall of sophomore year, when that 55% is rushing, it sure can feel like a lot, but one you remember that there are plenty of other people who aren't involved, and that all Greek events are open to the public, it's really not that bad. Anyways, I know it's freezing all winter, and the social scene may not be perfect, but I love it. The whole school. Right now, I want to go there rather badly. I hope I don't fall in love with every school I visit, because I feel like that would be a bit of a problem.

Oh, anyways, after the tour, as I was leaving, I saw Boris. "Tea!" he said.

"Boris!" I responded.

"Tea was in my math and science research class last year," he said, slowly, as usual. Then our parents talked for a bit, (Boris was a rowing camp! And we just had to stop by!) his mom seemed nice, but he spent the entire time inching away towards the door. Maybe this means he'll stop trying to talk to me. After he was out of earshot, I said to Mom. "That's the guy who talks really slow."

"Oh!" said Genie, "I remember him."

"He seemed like he wanted to get away," said Mom.

"Yeah. Pretty much. It's funny, cause we're generally pretty friendly, I just don't like him very much."

"You don't?"

"He's irritating."

So anyways, I saw Boris, and I still find him irritating, and I saw Dartmouth, and I loved it.

August 12, 2009


When the highlight of your day is that the cute boy who was working at the blueberry farm smiled at you while your mom paid his boss for the berries, you know that your life is far too unexciting.

Also, we're pretty sure the neighbor's oldest kid isn't actually there, so they're probably only about fourteen. Damn.

August 11, 2009

The Vacation Continues

Mom wants me to go visit Dartmouth while we're up here, so she had me look up tours on the website. I, of course, managed to get lost on the website, and ended up flipping through course requirements for various majors. Then I started worrying because I really don't know what I want to major in once I get to school, and then I was worried because I don't know where I want to go to school, and then I got even more worried that I wouldn't be able to even get into a school, and then I took a deep breath and wrote a blog post instead.

I just read The Mozart Season, by Virginia Euwer Wolff, which is apparently also an emo band, because when I googled Mozart Season to find the author, I got all these hits with these really mopey looking guys with awful hair. Anyways, the book was very good, although Allegra seemed far older than her twelve years to me at first, but I've thought about it, and I think I'm underestimating twelve year olds. After all, my brain was in perfectly good working order in seventh grade.

I haven't read the news in almost a week. I feel so disconnected from the world.

August 10, 2009


Today, my sisters and I were sitting around and playing crazy eights when we looked out the window.
First, we saw some ducks. We then made a Duck Song, which goes something like this:
I am a duck
*quack quack*
I can swim fast
*quack quack*
I am a duck
*quack quack*
quack quack quack quack quack.
This is accompanied by Genie doing a dance with lots of extra shimmying.
Then, we went back to crazy eights. Shelby was down to her fourth hand, and I was still on my first. We looked out the window again, and there was a stranded person on a hobey cat, paddling along. First we argued about his age (we're going a bit stir crazy, and Shelby in particular is missing the boyz) and eventually decided he was around Genie's, then we decided to find Dad to ask him if he'd offer the boy a tow. Then we went down to the dock (where Dad had actually been the entire time) and Genie yelled over to him, "Are you stuck?"
"I'm good," he called back.
So he didn't get a tow. Then we heard noises on the other side of our dock, and looked over. The neighbors were playing on the next raft over from their house. These neighbors have three boys, but I have yet to actually meet any of them.
Report to come.

August 9, 2009


Today, my name was Elizabeth Anna Marie Prescott, but you can call me Bunny (Mom says that it's short for Elizabeth). Shelby was called Jane Annabeth Steward Prescott, Genie was Jillian something something Prescott, Dad was Quentin, and Mom was Isadora. It was quite fun, although Mom kept messing up and calling us by our real names. I was very good at it, if I do say so myself, saying "what?" whenever somebody called "Bunny?"

Tomorrow, we're considering Hippies: Moonbeam, Sunshine, and Rainbow. Any guesses which one is me?

August 7, 2009


There are now 141 posts. It's a palindromic number! I wonder if there's a mathematical word for that.
Today, my grandmother asked me what classes I was looking forward to next year. When I said calculus, she looked at me like I was completely nutters, which, you know, I'm really not. Well, not really.
I haven't even left our lovely hometown yet, and I already miss my friends. Don't get me wrong, family is great, but I already feel like I'm suffocating. Oh, the adolescent longing for independence.
Why do people get red hair?
Red hair appears in people with two copies of a recessive gene on chromosome 16 which causes a change in the MC1R protein. It is associated with fair skin colour, freckles, and sensitivity to ultraviolet light, Red hair appears in people with two copies of a recessive gene on chromosome 16 which causes a change in the MC1R protein. It is associated with fair skin colour, freckles, and sensitivity to ultraviolet light,
which means, Vicky, that you'd better slather on the sunscreen.

August 6, 2009


I went to the walk-in clinic today because Dad thinks I have lyme disease. Mom brought the results from my last blood test, a year ago. The doctor at the clinic took one look at the test and said that I didn't have fifth disease when the test was taken.
"No acute antibodies. Only immunity."
I was shocked. That meant that all last summer, something was wrong with me, but not what I thought.
It was probably lyme disease. Which I could have treated the first week and been fine the rest of the time. Gaaaahhhhh.

Oh, and I'll answer my first question. How do people have green eyes?
"Green eyes are the product of low to moderate amounts of melanin and probably represent the interaction of multiple variants within the OCA2 and in other genes, including perhaps the red-hair geneGreen eyes are the product of low to moderate amounts of melanin and probably represent the interaction of multiple variants within the OCA2 and in other genes, including perhaps the red-hair gene"

answer curtesy of wikipedia.
Oh, and I am now on vacation. Posts will be somewhat sporadic through the 24th.

August 5, 2009

Journal Highlights

Well... today in English Ms. Seltzia read aloud a page of Girl in Hyacinth Blue that basically described sex using musical metaphors. I, for one, was giggling like crazy. Gretchen, unfortunately, was too busy ignoring me to catch my eye, but it was still funny. Also, we discussed vocab tests and how we study. Jess goes "I IM with Tybalt then print out the conversations. That helps a lot." and the teacher goes "really?" and the class takes a couple of seconds to process this before a low ooooh! broke out, and we started laughing. And Jess is like, "it helps! really!" and blushes a bit. Then the teacher goes, "there's definitely a bit of pink in her complexion." By that point, Tybalt was extremely red as well, and attempting to laugh it off, but in an extremely awkward way.

I feel stressed. Let the stress flow from the ache in my stomach and heart, through my shoulder, down my elbow, jetting down the rest of my fingertips and flowing to the tip of my pen, where the dark of ink releases it from my body.
That's a bit better.

Back to SHP tomorrow. Mario's a db. It wouldn't bother me much, generally, but I'm far more attracted to him than I should be, and can't bare to just blow him off, but something just makes me want to slap him, huge pores and all. I am desperately hoping that we reach some level of conversation by June, or I swear to a possibly existing deity, I will cry.

Today was the drawing field trip to the Met....blah blah blah etc. At the end of the trip, Mom told us to meet her at the temple. Me and Gemma were with her, so it was no biggie, but everyone else was late. Mom was so worried. She thought that she was such an awful chaperone, they'd never let her come on a trip again. By the way, it's requiring a colossal amount of effort not to mention Mario right now. That boy has somehow managed to insinuate himself into my thoughts, and it is somewhat aggravating AND I can't talk about him, because Nyx always laughs and GAH!

I'm glad I don't have to come-of-age twice. Seriously, though, I always feel like I'm a character in some sort of book. Currently I'm in the midst of a classic tale in a high school, with a science and feminism subplot. I'm also in the exposition of another imaginary romance, but right now, I mostly just feel myself growing up. It feels like I'm too self aware.

August 4, 2009

Honors List

Today, Gretchen came over, and we decided to combine our interests in gossip and academics to produce: The High Honors Predictions (Wood Knocking Enabled). This is also an opportunity for me to come up with lots of fun nicknames.

First, the top fifteen, also known as: Our Wonderful List, by Us.
1. Bryant, the somewhat smarter twin.
2. Tybalt, the other really smart twin.
3. Yuma, the Asian boy who likes to say "um." He is here because he is smart, and we like him.
4. Clara, who played Clara in the nutcracker and did very, very well on the math midterm and plays violin. We needed a girl on this list.
5. Julie. Because she is Julie.
6. Mario, because we like him more than
7. Livny. How we wish that he was stupider.
8. Brian. His first name is Avon's last name.
9. Jeff. Tierra is obsessed with him. However, he has taken a lot of journalism, which might pull down his GPA, but whatever.
10 and 11: Tea and Gretchen. Because we are awesome.
12. Avon or Natalie. They have the same first name, and we aren't really sure.
13. Sonny. The taller of the two workshop boys from Avon's elementary school.
14. Ariadne. Her dad gave a speech to our math class.
15. Nyx, because we love her. She's pretty good at school, too.

It'll be interesting to see if any of this rings true after another year and a half.

Also, I've been taking art classes at the art center in a nearby town. My teacher has a porno-stache, and it creeps me out a lot.

August 3, 2009


written on spiral bound notecards from god-knows-when. (middle school, I think)

How do people get green eyes?
How do people get red hair?
Why are some people so good at puzzles?
Is there such a thing as a professional puzzler?
What is bigotism?
Who can I get to answer these questions?
Why do computers make so many mistakes?
Why are some teachers better than others?
Can good teaching be taught?
What do the 3 recycling answers symbolize?
What does Hallelujah mean? Why does it have so many different spellings?
Why are some lights brighter than others?
How do the genes work for different hair textures?
Why are grades so important?
How do electric keyboards make noise?
How are shoes made?
Why are some of the lights different colors?
Why is the earth round?
Should I override into Honors Biology?
How does a Punett square always work?
How is a punett square made for height?
Who is right, Discover or my science teacher?
How, exactly, are albino's genes different?
Why are some people more stubborn than others?

August 2, 2009

The Proposal

The movie that Nyx saw while undating Lysander. I just watched it with my family, and it was unequivocally hilarious. On my way out, I saw someone with blonde wavy hair in front of me. I was like, "wow, another person with hair like Julie and Harriet. That's unusual." Then I realized that it was actually Julie.

I ran up behind her and grabbed her shoulders. Julie, being Julie, promptly panicked. "Oh my god," I laughed. "I so scared you." So what if I did it in a highly inarticulate manner? Cammie was there as well. She told me the story of how she and Julie came to see The Proposal about three times, and I'm still not sure if I totally understand it, but here it goes.

They were going to see The Ugly Truth, but Julie let slip to her Dad that it was rated R, so they said they'd see The Proposal instead. Then, when they went to buy tickets, they decided to ask for tickets to The Ugly Truth, and if they could get them, they'd see that. They successfully got the tickets (Julie and Cammie passed for 17! Ohmigawsh), but Julie got worried about lying to her Dad, so they chickened out (which isn't at all to say that I wouldn't have done the same thing) and went to The Proposal. This is the exact opposite of the typical theater change operation, in which the under-17s attempt to sneak into an R rated movie.

Then, my family and I went to Stew's and used free ice cream coupons. I learned that it is very difficult to steer a shopping cart one handed.

August 1, 2009


The plumbing in my bathroom, my sister's bathrooms, the living room powder room and basement is out. Although my Dad has not yet determined why, we still aren't allowed to so much as wash our faces in this half of the house.

When I was taking a shower this afternoon, the toilet, which I hadn't even used, started bubbling. Yes, that's right, bubbling. It sounded exactly like the bubbling noise I managed to produce using a small stack of notecards held between the pointer finger and thumb of my right hand last week. It totally freaked me out, and I actually stopped mid-shower and stared at the toilet for a while (it bubbled a couple more times, then stopped). After I was all dried off, I went and told Dad. He attacked the toilet first with a plunger, then with some odd contraption known as a 'snake.'

At first, we thought my cousin had flushed a tampon, which, due to our old, decrepit pipes, always stops everything up. However, I got her phone number from Shelby's cell, and Mom called, and she said that she doesn't even use tampons, so that was out. The new theory is that my other cousin, who is mentally disabled, flushed half a role of toilet paper at once. Regardless, I'm going to go walk across the whole house and brush my teeth now. Then, when I wake up at 4 am after a weird dream, which I inevitably will (last night, my cousin's girlfriend got the schnazziest engagement ring), I'll have to traipse over to the offices just to pee.

Oh, what fun.