A Summary

I'm really enjoying these Christmas UPS deliveries. Yesterday: Staples the Office Supply Superstore. Today: a maple store in Vermont, and something totally unidentifiable for Shelby from Virginia (probably from Kat or May).

As far as my research paper goes, I've written a lot, but I can't figure out how to open it. Anecdotes are always recommended, but how can I utilize one? And besides, they just feel so endlessly cliched. There just doesn't seem to be any other opening conducive to a ridiculously long paper on the education of gifted children.

Speaking of English, a spider has taken up residence in the corner of my bathroom. I wonder how long it will live, and what its web will look like. As long as I remember that it's there, it shouldn't be an issue. Hopefully. After writing an entire paper on the spider in the bathroom in Annie Dillard's essay on Transfiguration, I can't bear to kill it. It seems like a good omen for my writing abilities. Either that or it's a precursor of workaholism (spellcheck approved word). Or a massive amount of religious symbolism is about to be dumped into my life. One of the three.

Chicken

Another narrative piece for English.

I take his plate from in front of him and shift my hand to keep the gruesome, putrid, picked-apart chicken carcass from contaminating my skin. My grandfather, Papa, has miraculously managed to strip every shred of flesh from the bones. I’m amazed that he’s managed to fit the bites in between the endless stream of praise for Kosta, the oldest, wisest, celebrated grandson.

I carry the defiled chicken remains to the trash and turn the plate sideways, trying to slide them off. A bit of splintery bone catches on the edge and sticks. I push

it off with the tiniest tip of my finger before thrusting my hand under hot water to remove any traces of grease. I slip past my grandmother as I returned to the table. She, despite her broken wrist, is transferring asparagus into a container to put in the fridge. Papa is still at the table. He’s picked a scab on his wrist and is catching the blood on his grimy napkin, but has finally moved on to praising my younger cousins.

“We’re going to be seeing Kat in a few weeks. She’s gotten very thin, very pretty. You know, when she was born, she was so fat. I was worried that she was going to be one of those awful overweight girls.”

I pick up the last of the dishes and walked to the sink to get a sponge. Papa stands. “Well, Anne, girls, I’m tired. I wanted to get to bed early. I’ll see you next week.” He opens his arms for a hug.

I don’t want to hug him. I don’t want to have to wait until he leaves to wipe his slimy kiss off my cheek. I don’t want to pretend that I want to see him next week.

I want to tell him what I think. “Kosta is not praiseworthy. When Kosta, artistically stunted as he is, assistant taught an art class at his college, he gave bad grades to the geeky-looking guys he didn’t like and the girl who didn’t shave her armpits. Kosta may be good a baseball and have a pretty girlfriend, but he’s an ass.” I walk towards the sink, towards Papa, as I speak. “Listening to you praise him makes me almost as sick as the chicken you make us eat every time you visit.” I pause, take a breath, and rest my hand on the counter next to the stack of greasy plates. “Kat has a black belt in tae kwon do, is in the gifted and talented program at her school, and is outgoing, fun, and wonderful. Praise her on that, not on her weight. After all, I certainly hope that you’d love her even if she weighed a hundred pounds more.” I clutch a platter of left over lumps of meat, trying to support myself as the rage spews forth. “Praise your granddaughters on something other than their appearance! Stop being sexist! Your wife has devoted her life to cleaning up after you, ironing your clothes, cooking your meals. The least you could do are the goddamned dishes!” I hurl the plate at him. It shatters. In my mind, I finish my diatribe and run out of the room.

In actuality, I say nothing. I hug him as if I want to. I wait until he leaves to wipe his slimy kiss off my cheek. I pretend I want to see him next week, when I, coward that I am, will stay as silent as always.

What happens when Tea is on gchat and nobody else is

is that she attacks her friends with long, intense monologues, like the one below. Be forewarned, I discuss grossness possibly on par with the tampon lesson.

VICKYYY

why (YYY) are you never online when you totally should be?

hmph

I'm going to tell you a story about facebook and mario, then

in hopes that you come online

and give me advice

before Nyx does

okay

so

remember my blog post

about my little cousins

Kat and May?

so

I may have possibly told mario that story

on facebook

well

i did

I wrote the following

"my little cousins were flipping through my facebook friends a few minutes ago, and they started arguing about you. Kat, who is 10, declared that you are "omigawd, so hot!" and the eight year old, may, said "no! he is not cute at all!" I told them I didn't need their opinions on the looks of all of my facebook friends, so they finally ran off.
Just thought you would find that entertaining. Did you hear if anyone got into the SHP for next year?"

then

a day and a half later (at almost midnight) mario finally wrote backk

"its too bad kat is only 10 years old...just kidding. as far as I know only Irving was accepted. keep me posted"

and that was tuesday night

so I really need to come up with a good response

asap

"I should berate you for making a joke like that about my cousin, but it was funny enough that I won't. Besides, she'd probably get mad at you herself, since she's at a point in time where she thinks boys have cooties (although she finds nothing wrong with devising elaborate plans she thinks I should be asking you out with. Weird kid). And I'm not surprised that Irving got in, but when you say "only irving" do you mean that he'sthe only one you asked, or the only one who got in?"

that's what I have so far

but

well

is that too long of a response? He always comes back with like two sentences, and I don't know how to be more succinct.Or should I cut the bit about Kat's elaborate schemes or no, because they are actually pretty funny.And, and,and

gahhh

I'm so bad at this

this is worse than when I was talking to caleb

and

VICKYYYY

if you don't come back soon

I'm going to share a gross medical story

actually

I think I might just post it on my blog

I'm trying to decide

It's kind of a funny story

see, I have/had this weird little mole thing on my right boob

and one time

it got yellow and it hurt

so i squeezed it and pus came out

it was exciting

anyways

it only appeared in february

so I told my doctor

and she said i should get it checked out by a dermatologist

which I'm going to on tuesday

but anyways

it hurt again today

so I squeezed it

and this weird thing came out

it was all hard, like a rock, but really small

like the size of one of those little glass/plastic beads

the teeny tiny ones

so I wrapped up in a towel, and went to show my parents the weird thing

cause my dad works on an ambulance

and is good with medical sturr

stuff

and he was like

"that's really weird. I have no idea"

so I showed it to mom

and she said to save it

and bring it to the dermatologist on tuesday

so now I have a weird thingy

in a plastic container

on my bed

and on tuesday

I get to go to the dermatologist

and be like

"this thing came out of my boob"

that'll be fun

and

yeah

sorry

if you didn't want to hear that

cause it was fairly disgusting

and

oh!

O

I'll see you tomorrow!!!!

I'm excited

and

I

will

stop

no

w

now

i mean

yeah

byeeee

Small Children and Facebook

This morning, I showed my cousins my facebook. First I pulled up the homepage, and explained that it was kind of like email. Then I checked my notifications, and there was a picture of Gretchen on there, so I clicked on it. May (who is 8 years old) looked at it. "Is she Chinese?"
"Yes."
"Oh," she said, nodding. I then clicked over to my sisters wall, on the post I'd sent yesterday, and Kat (who is 10) wandered over.
"Watcha doin?" she asked.
"Tea's showing me her facebook."
"This is Genie's wall. Do you want to write anything?"
They did, talking about Kat's new drum set and how obnoxious they thought it was. Then we went and wrote on other cousins' walls.
To a girl two years older than me: Kat says, "whatup? you missed a great vacation. I got a great new drum set that's sparkly and silver and big and loud." May says, "how's your boyfriend doing? he has really long hair."
to that girls one year older brother: Hi. How was your trip home? Kat says "I GOT NEW DRUMS!!! How's your girlfriend?" May says "she's like up to your chin because she's so short."
to another boy, a junior in college: I'm sitting here with kat and may, and they both wanted to talk to you. Kat says "you're so obnoxious. I got a great awesome new sparkley big and loud drum set." May says "All Kat's talking about is her awesome new drum set that she's only allowed to have for a year because she's borrowing it from her friend. Say hi to your girlfriend."
Then they just sat there for a minute.
"Do you want to see anything else?" I asked.
"Can we look at pictures of your friends?"
"Sure. Who do you want to see?"
"Hmmmm...." said Kat. "How about Mario-y"
"Who?"
"Mario."
"You want to see Mario?"
"YES!"
"Okay, okay." I went to his profile.
"Oh my god," said Kat. "He's hot!"
"What?" I said.
"He is!"
"Can we see more pictures of him?" asked May.
"Sure." I clicked open on his photos (there are only eight of them, fortunately)
"Why's he all dressed up?"
"He went to prom."
"Did you go to prom?"
"I already told you I didn't."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not a junior."
"And he is?"
"No..."
"Then how come he went to prom?"
"Cause that girl asked him."
"Is that his girlfriend?"
"I don't know, I don't think so."
"Are you going to prom with him next year?" asked Kat.
"Um, I don't-"
"You should ask him out!" said May.
"What?!"
"Yeah! Ask him to see a movie or something."
"I can't just-"
"Yes you can. Just call him and ask."
"It's not that easy."
"Is too!"
"It's be weird. I haven't seen him for like a month."
"So?"
"Maybe next year, alright?"
"Okay..." said May. "Do you know anyone else who went to prom?"
"Uh, yeah. This is Tierra," I said, going to her profile. "That's a picture of her at prom."
"She's not very pretty. Do you think she's pretty?" asked Kat.
I turned and glared at her. "Excuse me?"
"Well, she's not the prettiest person in the world, I don't mean that she's ugly or anything."
"It's still mean. And she's perfectly nice looking!"
"I guess so. Can we see more pictures."
I sighed. "Sure." I pulled up the pictures of Tierra at prom. "That's a girl from math team. I love her dress. And that's the boy who asked Tierra."
"Is that her boyfriend?"
"No, they're just friends. And that's a girl who color-codes her closet."
"That's weird."
"Yes it is."
"She looks prettier in this picture."
"Thank you," I said.
"Can we see pictures of you, now?" asked May.
"Yeah, sure." I started clicking through. When I reached the one of Gretchen and a girl who went to China with Nyx, Kat turned to me and said, "You have a lot of Asian friends."
"Um, yes. I do."