November 21, 2009


This week at SHP, it was just Mario, Melissa and I on the train both ways. We were sitting in a three across, with me at the window (although there wasn't actually a window, so I was rather claustrophobic), then Mario in the middle, and Melissa in the aisle seat because it doesn't have a little headrest thing, but she's so short that it doesn't matter. As always, Mario still managed to take up about half the space, because he sits that stupid way guys always do, with about a foot and a half between their knees so that they can air out the junk, or something.

We were having a perfectly reasonable discussion of Irvingisms (things that Irving says frequently, a term coined by Mario, who got an English paper back saying that he lacks control of language, which is basically true, as Vicky can attest to after reading his US portfolio, but he went and talked to his teacher, who couldn't articulate quite what she meant by that, so he doesn't like the teacher, and he's decided that he's going to use his unholy amount of free time to write a book, but you and I know it probably won't be a very good book, seeing as he's not the greatest of writers, but have fun with that, Mario) when Mario broke off mid-sentence and turned to Melissa.

"Melissa," he said, patting her knee. "No matter what you hear, I want you to remember that I am your friend, and that I like and respect you, as a friend."

"What?" she said.

"Just remember that. Also, know that I sometimes like to show off around Irving."

"Mario," she said warily. "What happened with Irving?"

"Just remember what I'm telling you-"

"Mario, we're friends, right?"

"Uh, yeah."

"So if you tell me this, it won't bother me, but if I hear it from Irving..."

"Well, you'll find out on Tuesday either way, because he said he would tell you at math team unless I told you before hand."

I laughed. "It must be really bad then, if he gave you a warning period."

"Mario, you have just got to tell me now."

"It won't make a difference if you hear it now or later," he said.

"It makes a difference to me. If it's later, I won't hear."

"Don't worry, I'll tell you," said Melissa.

"Besides, you'll be in math team."

"Yeah, but I'm generally on the other side of the room."

"You sit with the people who actually work," said Mario scornfully, which is such a lie because I know he does his math packets.

"Well, I just feel like Ginny and I would be invading if we went and crashed the other side of the room."

"I wouldn't mind. It'd free me from the boy's club," said Melissa.

"Boy's club?" asked Mario, oblivious as always.

"Well, maybe you don't notice it cause you weren't really there last year, but Irving and Dino and Owen and Tybalt-"

"Did you hear Tybalt's doing different rounds this month? He's giving up on breaking into the 4-5-6 thing."

"Yeah, I know, he told me," I said. "He's probably going to take my spot."

"It'll either be yours or mine," said Mario.

"B Team is way cooler," said Melissa, who, along with Owen, rules the B(ench) team.

Mario shrugged. We sat in silence for a moment, before he said, "Alright, I'll tell you."

"Ooh!" I grinned and turned in my seat so I could observe both him and Melissa's reaction.

"Just, remember what I said before alright?" He put an arm over her shoulder. I laughed because the foreshortening of the angle made his hand look weird, but neither of them noticed. "Well, last week I sent Irving a text message that said 'Melissa and I aren't going on the train this week,' and then I realized that it sounded like, well, you know. So he said why and I said because she had a long night."

Melissa and I laughed when we realized where he was going.

"So he goes where are you, and I go where do you think? And then he tried to call and I was like, I can't talk, she's sleeping."

"And he believed you?"

"Yeah. I went into school on Monday and he was like Duuude! I'd tap that and oh my god this is our stop."

The doors had already been open for a half a minute, so we jumped up and rushed off.

"That would have been bad," I said.

"That's a bit of an understatement," said Melissa. "And he really thought we were having sex?"

"Well, I strung him along for a couple of days, and he literally had no clue I made it up."

"Are you serious? He never said anything to me," said Melissa. We started into the tunnel that goes under the tracks.

"I just can't believe he believed me."

"Maybe he just wouldn't expect you to lie," I said.

"Seriously, though. I mean, you can't just sleep around in high school. Your dad comes home in the morning and sees the car and doesn't think anything of it? Please."

We reached the other side of the tunnel. I turned to go left, Melissa began dialing on the phone which hadn't left her hand, and Mario looked around, confused. "Why am I on this side of the tracks? I'm parked over there."

"I dunno. I'll see you later," I said, and started walking.

"Wait, you drive?"


"Where'd you park."

"Over there."

"There are spots on the other side."

"I know, but I drive a truck, and I don't like taking that turn."


Melissa waved goodbye and started walking the other way. Mario turned to leave. "Bye, Tea."


I was still laughing when I reached the truck.


Julie said...

I was cracking up the entire time I was reading this. Your SHP stories/Mario conversations always seem to be hilarious. Also, why has he suddenly started flirting with Melissa? What about Scarlett? (and you, of course)

Speaking of Mario, he's in my English class, and I wouldn't be surprised if the teacher told him he had no control of language. I don't know a single person who actually likes my teacher, since she grades our in-class essays with a surprising degree of difficulty, which at least a few times has made me doubt my proper placement in the class. What's the topic of his planned mediocre-at-best book?

Tea said...

He and Melissa are very touchy-feely and have this in-joke where one will stare at the other until they notice. It's kind of flirtatious behavior, I guess, but I know it's not flirtatious on her end, and I really don't think it is on his. It's like Gretchen and Richard, yes?

Oh, he says he's over Scarlett, which basically means that he's fighting it at the moment.
"She never looks at me."
"Aww, Mario, maybe she's looking at you when you aren't looking at her," Melissa said.
"Please. He's always looking at her," I said.

He doesn't have a topic. I somehow don't think he ever will have a topic. He will write the world's first topic-less book.

Jackie said...

GUYS TOTALLY DO NEED TO AIR OUT THEIR JUNK. I mean really, if they didn't, they'd have it to themselves all the time and it would just go to their heads. Which would be bad. VERYYYYYYY bad. Condensed junk = condensed milk. aka, nasty.

Also, that is the funniest conversation i have heard all weekend.

Kathrya said...

MADE. MY. EVENING. I love you I couldn't stop laughing this entire time STOP BEING SO COOL

Gretchen said...

wow. wait, who's melissa again? is she the new victim of his stalkerish behavior?

i'm sorry tea, why did you like him before?!?

oh, and i still think it's awesome that you drive a truck!!

Julie said...

Melissa told me she was, anyway. From what Tea said, it doesn't appear to be anything actually flirty, just a joke. For identification, she's in your physics class and has curly hair, Gretch.

And, um, yeah. Mario is quite the odd one. However, to Tea's benefit, he was a lot less weird last year. And the many years preceding (during which I happened to like him).

Tea said...

I'm not certain if he actually was less weird, and the caffeine's been getting to his head, or it we just weren't aware of his weirdness.