So I meant to go to sleep

I told James that I was, and it'd be rather rude for me not to, now that I said I did. Particularly since I was up well past midnight last night. I'm not sure what I was thinking with that--probably that my body doesn't seem to care, and that Mafia and the subjunctive tense are more entertaining than whatever else I was up to.

I still haven't made a "sleep" tag for posts. I refuse to. Sleep is for the weak, as Becton would say.

It's ridiculous, isn't it, how frequently I talk about RSI people, months after the fact. I still hang out with them, too--I almost got lunch with Gopika today, I spent so much of those preview weekends with Rickoids--I feel bad about how many awesome people I'm not meeting, but whenever I'm not with my summer buddies I miss them. I've turned into a "One time at band camp..." person, but it's science camp, instead.

I went looking for "This one time at band camp" on tvtropes, since I assumed it must be something of a trope, and it turns out it was repeatedly used in American Pie. Or, it's frequently referenced from there. The line in question is "And this one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy." I'm telling you this so that next time Cammie launches onto the topic, I won't be the only one feeling somewhat uncomfortable.

SHP is still fun, even though I barely comprehend cosmology and I'm alone on the train because no one else bothers to show up. It's good to see Gopika. It's occasionally even good to see Rube, though not usually.

I haven't really talked about any of the college previews here...I need to remember to talk about James and his complex manifolds, though I've already told most of my readers it, I think. Ah well, it rarely hurts to repeat a funny story, and there could be people I don't actually know who would appreciate it! Right? Right...

On the plus side, James is coming to college with me, bringing [my school] to 2 more committed Rickoids than [other school]. Which means that we're way more awesome. Duh.

Day Off

Last science fair was today. It kind of sucked, actually. On the plus side, I made a couple of new friends--Karel, who knows some RSI folks and is super legit, and Dayton, who I am currently chatting with on facebook and have pressured into contacting me if she visits [college of choice] in the future. I also had some quality time with Dr. Verona, who got annoyed with me for referencing that time he talked about drinking and deriving during class.

I left early, what with getting out during the first round (Karel did too, so I'm not that mad, but still) and went shopping. Tried on a buttload of random clothes and dresses, came home with one pair of cargo shorts. It was fun, though, and finding dresses that fit was pretty easy, which makes me think the great prom dress search won't actually turn out to be quite so great.

Then I came home and read half of Squire, which is every bit as good this time around. I also played The Sims 2 for the first time in a while, which was pretty fun. Now I'm talking to people on the computer. When my hair gets a bit drier, I'll get dressed and head over to Josh's house, and that'll be that.

Title Forgotten

I spent most of yesterday lolling about and being unproductive. Today seems very likely to be similar. I've been reading, and I got back on the Python horse a little bit--though I think I'll probably end up taking the Python programming class at my college of choice.

Speaking of college decisions--May 1st is rapidly approaching. I'm going to click my commit and decline buttons tomorrow at some point. It's been a relatively easy decision for me--I was pretty emotionally attached to one school going into the preview weekends, and nothing I saw made me doubt my decision, so that was more or less that. I know what the best fit for me is, and that's where I'll be this Autumn.

I know it isn't that easy for everybody, though. I spent nearly an hour and a half today talking with Avon. She's deciding between two schools, both of which are pretty good, but she's worried about the nonpremed academic programs at one, and I don't know how much of her fear is legitimate because I honestly haven't done the research. That said, I've been more or less telling her to go to that one because she seems pretty emotionally attached to it, but she'll make whatever decision seems like it's best for her.

I'm now listening to music on my computer--the current song is Run, by Benton Paul, whoever that is. I'm also talking (internet-talking, but you know what I mean) to Maxwell. I'm recounting the tale of my ditching Arthur at prom because I'm uncomfortable dancing with dudes--he called the move courageous and said that it was quintessentially me. I think he's a little bit insane, but I suppose most people are in some way.

My last science fair is tomorrow. I'm not sure if I wish I'd done them sooner--they're fun, but I'm glad for the uncompetitive attitude to science I currently have. I'm still looking forward to it, though. Science! Yay!

End of the Fatzone

Well, I said I was going to blog, so I'm feeling this compulsion to, well, actually blog. But at the same time, life feels rather boring, and I don't feel as if I have much to say.

I had a bizarre dream last night. I was on the rag, but I still definitely has sex (should be noted that I only remember the aftermath but not not the actual activity) with my dream-boyfriend, who was super attractive and very innocent looking but actually a prostitute. Then he became friends with my mom. I woke up, and my first thought was "holy *expletive* I didn't use a condom and I'm going to get an STD." My second thought was "oh, that was a dream." My third was "damn, he was attractive, too." Then I pressed the sleep button and I can't remember much else.

Math was fun, I guess. I like hard problems, the the one we did--the sum, from n=1 to n=44 of cos n/ sin n--was definitely difficult, at least for me. Gretchen seems to have permanently ditched us, though--Nyx overheard her suggesting to Dino that he could either pull up a desk or "sit with them." And, well, that stings, quite a bit, particularly since whenever she does bother to be with us she's perfectly wonderful. I know she's on some campaign to get Clara to go to college with her, but that doesn't make it sting any less.

The obesity presentation went fine, I think. I hope we do well, if only because I'd rather not get beaten. Plus, well, a little bit of money would be nice. A little bit of money is really always quite nice.

Brian apparently just asked Nyx if she used to date Tamir. I'm too busy laughing to finish writing this.

The Last Presentation

Julie and I are chilling at school. It should be boring, but Julie is awesome, so it isn't. Yay!

We all were just practicing for our Super Student Challenge presentation tomorrow. On Overcoming Obesity. That was our title until Gretchen started saying that the Os looked like little fat people. I actually wanted to put little fat people in, but then Yuma came up with the name "Shaping Paperclip," which is really much better anyways.

Julie says hi to the world.

I'm worried about the presentation--not really stage fright (I have stage fright for Julie because I'm getting nervous for her), but there's the fear that, like last year, the presentation might be the thing that keeps us from winning. Not that we really know if that was it, but I'm still nervous.

I'm also sad that our little team is dispersing after this. No more Science Bowl, no more Moody's, no more this, no more math team (not that Julie was on math team or Ginny showed up, but still!). The posse of awesomeness, or whatever we want to call ourselves, won't really exist anymore, and it's sad. They've been good to work with, and I've really gotten a lot out of the experience of working as a team with people who I can actually depend on academically. And I've really gotten to know all of our strengths and weaknesses--we're so well meshed together, it's a pity to break that up.

But we will. Because we're graduating. Internships, summer, college. I am so so so so so excited.

Diplomacy

I played my first game of it today. We only had five people, though, so the dynamic wasn't quite right. It was me, Genie, Julie, Peter, and Josh (though Cammie did eventually show up).

It took us an hour and a half to read the rulebook. This was partially because Julie outright refused to read it out loud, which meant that we read over it individually while the remaining people were talking. Genie actually never read it--she listened to my explanations and then repeatedly flubbed up the rules during gameplay.

We also were not particularly diplomatic. We tried, but it's difficult to make teams with only that many people, so alliances were boring and not that interesting. I allied with Julie, who turned out to be somewhat useless, and then we all kind of went off on solo campaigns. I attempted to worm information out of Peter, but he refused to tell me anything and said he was "planning a psychological invasion of Germany." Totally not helpful.

But whatever. In Soviet Russia, Diplomacy diplomacize you. Or something to that effect (I was Russia...though not Soviet, of course. Early 1900s and all that).

Okay, it is officially way too late for this. Goodnight world.

A Feeling

Do you ever have that feeling like you're the only one alive in the world?

I do, sometimes. I don't really know why, though it probably has something to do with the fact that my parents are working and my sisters are sleeping.

My aunt is trying to work a bit of money out of the school I'm matriculating to. As such, I was not supposed to reveal to said school that I'd decided to matriculate there. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of telling my friend who works in the admissions office, and she went and told someone working there. Hopefully I'm not important enough for it to get back to the financial aid people, but we shall see.

I haven't even spotted my dog. I really don't know where he went.

Firefly is absolutely awesome. I finished the first episode this morning--it took me a couple of days--and it is all so incredibly cool. It makes me so happy. And it boosts my nerd cred at the same time! All is well with the world.

I need to write up my "Thanks, but no thanks" letter. I need to finish my chemistry homework. I need to do other things, I'm sure. I hope my Lit teacher got my poem--I'd post it here, but that would defeat the whole anonymity thing. I wonder who wrote about me.

In other news, I really ought to clean my room. I think I'll take my sisters out today to paint new mugs for our mother. Diplomacy tomorrow. Presentation preparation the next day. I will not fail at public speaking, I will not fail at public speaking, I will not fail at public speaking.

Why is my house so quiet?

Return

I've been gone for a while, to say the least. The main reason for this was that I felt I'd outgrown the semioverachiever label. I was feeling like I was past whatever impulse drove me to start the blog. I'd also gone somewhat public, which was disconcerting (kind of gets in the way of rambling, emotional, boy-related posts). There was also the matter of the name itself.

Right now, I don't feel like a semioverachiever. I feel like an overachiever. I don't sleep enough, I'm busy, and I keep winning things and getting into colleges. I found that magic formula, got in everywhere I applied, and then got accepted to a gap year program every bit as prestigious. I keep winning at life, and I've started to feel like I'm actually powerful, like I could actually change the world, like I could actually make a difference right here right now.

I've lost sight of who I am. I don't mean that I'm supposed to be less of a beast, but I've been letting it get to my head. There are so, so many things I haven't learned yet. So, yes, I've managed to be the perfect applicant, and yes, I was told by a girl who is smart enough that people's jaws drop when they hear of her accomplishments that I "ooze brilliance," and people are impressed by my vision and insight and all that bullcrap--but I don't know how to right a rigorous proof, or maximize output from a wind farm, or build the designs that sit in my head. I don't know even basic statistics. There are huge, huge holes in my knowledge.

I need a college education to fill those holes. Sorry, Mr. Thiel, but I'm not ready. I'll take those two years after college, before grad school. They won't be with you, they won't have that safety net, but you know what? This won't be the only opportunity. I'm going to go to college with some of the smartest students in the world. I will come out of it feeling like an idiot--which is the point--but I will make opportunities.

I may not be ready to be a grownup, but I am ready to make this decision.

That was a digression, to say the least. I'd intended to discuss why I was coming back. The reason I'd stopped writing is that I felt I'd outgrown the label. But I haven't, not really. Yes, I'm 18, but I'm not an adult. Yes, I apparently win a lot of stuff, but there are a lot of things I don't win, and there's a lot that I have still to learn. I haven't become an overachiever just because I've been busy. I'm still just me, and I still care more about my friends than I do about being top of my class.

I can overachieve later. For now, I will return to attempting to be myself, whatever that entails.