I'm down in the basement of the library. I forgot to bring a charger with me, so my laptop is going to die some time in the near future. I should be doing practice tests for physics, but I'm really confused and need my notes. I could be doing practice tests for chem, but I'm really lazy.

I could have worked this afternoon, but I skipped my calc class and went over to Jason's dorm for an hour. Being totally unproductive is a lot more fun than working. As it turns out, many things are a lot more fun than working.

But mostly studying. I don't mind psetting all that much, but I really don't like studying. I also really dislike writing essays, which I had to do last week, and preparing for presentations, which I should be doing now.

Actually, I'm going to go find a computer with Inkscape on it and do some vector image editing.

Happy birthday, James.

A Wonderful Feeling

Today, my grandparents got back from their winter in Florida, so, of course, they had to come over for dinner. Mom made something yummy, and Grandma found a way to make a dessert that Mom wouldn't object to.

My grandparents, having been in Florida, naturally had not yet seen my prom ensemble. So I left when we were about halfway through washing up to zip myself in and slide (or, erm, wrestle) on my shoes. I love the way the dress feels when I put it on---just the right weight, just enough give in all the right places, the perfect shade of purple. And it's soft on me, and light, unlike the layers I've been piling on for lab every day.

I went into the kitchen and did my best imitation of a model's strut. I stood still and twirled while they preened, Papa being his typically skeevy self and Grandma being nothing but kind. It was nice to be preened over, nice to be the center of attention. When I was, at length, dismissed, I went upstairs rather than back to my room---the closest full-length mirror to my room (discounting my younger sister's, which is small enough that I can't see my entire person in it) is in the exercise room upstairs.

I clacked up the stairs, and I stood on the rubberized mats, and I looked at myself, and I was beautiful. That's how I looked to me, anyways. The right balance between legs and curves, the perfect dress, the perfect shoes, the somewhat glowy smile---perhaps I wasn't wearing glasses, so I couldn't see the flaws, but, in that mirror, I was as sexy as sexy could be. I looked at myself and I saw that ugly duckling daydream, of the great nerd---who is really only nerdy because of her glasses and involuntary participation in some variant of Quiz Bowl---showing up at prom and being suddenly beautiful, suddenly breathtaking, and leaving them all in awe. It's ridiculous, I know, but I felt like I could be Taylor Swift at the end of that cheesy, cheesy music video.

And I didn't care. Seriously. I was more excited about getting into Harvard than I was about this---which is saying something, since the only reason I was even glad I got in was that it meant that Bryant hadn't fared any better than me. I looked at myself, and I could see the dream existing, that little thought in the back of my nerdy mind that I was the belle of some imaginary ball, and I didn't care.

I liked the way I looked, sure. I hopefully will still like it once I get through the actual event (with any luck, it'll be enough to allow me to survive prolonged contact with Peter's mother). But it paled in comparison to my academic accomplishments. RSI, MIT, April 30th, Thiel, even last night's High Honors dinner, was worth more to me than the discovery that someone pretty lurked underneath my cargo shorts. What matters to me is exactly what I have.

It's a triumphant feeling, somehow. I'm not at all certain that I'm expressing it properly, though maybe it doesn't matter. I feel, to use something Meg Cabot liked to have Mia worry about in those Princess Diaries books (the books, mind, not the movies), self-actualized. I'm not sure Mia ever realized what it was---or maybe she did, and I wasn't old enough to appreciate it, so I've forgotten whatever life lesson she picked up---but it was something about knowing who one is and being excited about it. And being an adult, or mature. But I think it was understanding of oneself and satisfaction in that understanding. And right now, I feel like I get it.

It's a wonderful feeling.

Whhheeeeeee

Chem. We learned organic nomenclature. Yuma still does not appreciate being hugged.

Science Research. We watched interviews with Feynman on youtube. I read more of that bio paper I really need to read even more of.

Fiction. Boredom. Book talks.

Math. Again, nothing was done. I think I did four practice polar integrals before the boredom overwhelmed me. But then we went to lunch, which involved food, which is always nice, and then I got Yuma and Ginny and Brian and Nyx to play Contact, which made everything still more better (and the multiple ands? Totally necessary).

Then I at last made up my David Copperfield essay test--for some reason I was required to answer two essay questions, and she only gave me one test booklet, so I wrote two separate essays, each crammed onto two double-sided pieces of extra-wide margin paper. Yay! Talking excessively about Uriah Heep and making uninsightful points!

I then went prom dress shopping with my mother. We went to a bunch of stores, and decided on something that is pretty and purple and not-too-short-not-too-long, which was pretty much exactly what I wanted anyways. Then I went home and didn't do homework.

Not doing homework is becoming a disturbing trend.

The fact that I'm not longer willing to use this medium as a mode of expressing my general sense of "gahh, boys are stupid, mrgh" has made this post somewhat boring. My apologies.

Physics Study Party

Things I have done since embarking on this ridiculous task:

• Chatted on facebook with Leila
• Gchatted with Maxwell
• Talked about testicular tension with Nyx and Josh, the my two fellow participants in this party of ridiculousness.
• Drank tangello juice
• Read over the list of MIT housing seminars
• Attempted to find a complete online physics test
• Gave Nyx unnecessary advice on how to study
• Removed 96% of the clothing on my floor from my floor
• Spot treated my mattress pad
• Listened to Nyx explain rref in matrices to Josh
• Facebook chatted briefly with Jordan, who is on my list of people I want to be friends with when I get to college. 
• Stopped chatting with Jordan because she said that the AP Physics test was hard, and she went to physics camp, so I figured I should study--though she's probably just one of those people who says stuff is hard that isn't, I dunno.
• Played with Buckeyballs
• Ate dinner
• Started one AP Physics problem
• Got bored
• Announced intention of not studying
• Gossiped
• Sent emails about prom dress shopping
• Worried about prom being awkward
• Laughed at the spelling of the word awkward
• Worried about the fact that this list is probably not as funny as previous list
• Noted that nearly all of Josh's clothing is logowear related to his future college
• Congratulated self for using the proper where/wear in the above bullet point
• Listened to Nyx talk to herself

Today

• I found this really awesome applied math paper called "Forecasting Hourly Electricity Using Time-Varying Splines."
• I read half of said paper before recalling that I should be doing more pressing homework.
• I wrote about half a sentence more on my "better get done in the next few weeks" paper. Note to self: work faster.
• I rewrote my abstract (will anyone notice if it doesn't match the one on the poster?)
• I sent an email stating that my poster is free-standing.
• I took an accidental 1.5 hour nap. I got out of the shower, wrapped myself up in a towel and began to read Act II of "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf." The next thing I knew, I was lying groggily on my side and Shelby was saying "If you don't respond to the question of when you're eating dinner, I'm going to unwrap you." I fortunately discovered that I only have three pages of the act left.
• I ate dinner with my mother. We talked about how I've already picked up the MIT habit of referring to everything by either an acronym or a number.
• I freaked out about how much work I had to do.
• I decided I really like applied math and drew up more drafts of courses. If I take the math courses, plus the energy studies program, the 5 electrical engineering courses I want to take and the flex major in physics, I will have a reasonable schedule (4 courses a semester (yes, I factored in HASS and GIRs). If I do the focused option, it would result in overloading. I suppose this is something I can worry about in another 1.5 years, once I've taken more of these courses and have a better idea of what I actually enjoy.
• I wrote a blog post.
• I became hungry and went to eat more food.

Well, I will anyway.

Sniper No Sniping!

So I nerd sniped myself last night in the middle of dinner by derailing to entire conversation to prove that twin primes always surround multiples of six (answer: in a given set of three numbers, one will be a multiple of three, and this cannot be one of the primes, so it's the middle value. Additionally, primes are odd, but odds and evens alternate so the middle number must be even. Even multiples of three are multiples of six. Proof made).

Last night I also didn't sleep enough (shocker) because it was my beloved Cammie's birthday. Well, birthday party, but it amounts to the same thing. We had a Harry Potter role-playing battle at the park, then went back to her house, watched Moulin Rouge (or however it's spelled), and stayed up until 3 am talking. In our defense, we thought daylight savings time was applied, and it was actually 2 am, but this turned out not to be the case.

Aside from that, MIT applications are due tomorrow, but I already finished mine, so this doesn't really matter. I ought to be studying for my chem test, and I think I need to read Candide this weekend, and I should figure out where I'm going with my Lit X, and write my college essays, and do a thousand other things on my to do list.

They'll get done. Someday.

Your Beloved Tea...

Is depressed. Again.

Fuck.

In other news, Rube is engaging in a cyber-barage of friendliness, and I've set a busy auto-reply to avoid him. Because I'm conniving like that.

Yay!

Now I'm trying to write a prewrite, which is a surprisingly difficult endeaver. Especially considering that all I really want to do is curl up and sleep.

I blame college-related stress. I could do a long drawnout I-feel-like-I'm-losing-control-of-my-life, thing, but I think I'll just link to this post instead. Bubbles summed it up rather nicely.

Gretchen's "no one should be allowed to leave people in suspense for that long" was pretty good as well. Please, please let the early application work out. I don't want to spend any more time than I have to with an entirely mysterious future.

Aside from that is the not-good-enough grade in English, which, in the scheme of things, and considering my really, really good AP science grades, shouldn't be an issue, but still bothers me.

That sentence makes no sense.

I'm going to cover it up with a cauldron-full of faked enthusiasm, then go write a paper. I'm (not really) looking forward to it.

Another weekend draws to a close

I had a sum total of five hours of real, true relaxation this weekend. I spent these hours eating chinese food and playing 1984-themed Mafia while talking to Kathrya in person and Leila via skype.

The theme ended up not really functioning in practice, since we didn't have enough people, although it's possible that the second round, after I had left, went better.

I've decided to drop A.P. Spanish and take two frees. Getting my homework done not including Spanish still had me swamped, so I'm thinking that's a good idea, although once I get my college and science fair stuff in, I'm going to have a lot time on my hands.

Maybe I'll learn perl.

Well, that or sleep. I have a feeling I'll end up alternating between sleeping and reading trashy romance novels, just like I typically like to do. Predictable me.

I at least got round one of the Sieman's paper rewrite done. On second thought, I'm not sure if that competition name should have an apostrophe. Ah, well.

Yay for blogging! I'm going to go write another RSI post :)

Week's End, The

Well, referring to this as a week is a stretch, but I feel more dead than my typical Friday self does. Hopefully this doesn't last all year, because that would be very, very unfortunate.

And I'm on fb chat, talking to Sadie and Bart, separately, and Sadie wants to skype, and then I'm going over to Nyx's, so I believe y'all are gonna get a highly abbreviated post.

My apologies.

Do I have stories to share?

Of course.

Am I going to share them?

Probably not.

Although, for all interested parties, today during Science Research, I was working next to Mario at a computer, and Kerry was on his other side, when Mario suddenly started laughing. Kerry and I looked at him, confused, but he didn't notice, so I looked at his screen.

He was on the Home Access Center, looking at attendance. Thursday and Friday were both marked in light blue.

"What?" I said. "Is getting your absences excused funny?"

"No, this is Irving's."

"You're on Irving's page," said Kerry.

"He gave me his info."

We stared at him.

"It's not as if he minds."

Kerry elected to roll with it. "How are his grades? Doesn't he have like a 2.9 or something?"

"No, he actually has A+s. He's spreading that around to make himself look normal."

I laughed at that.

A moment later, Louette and Granada caught wind of our conversation.

"Irving?" said one to the other. "Isn't he failing?"

"Oh, look," laughed Kerry, thrilled to be in on the joke. "They heard it too!"

A Fairly Unproductive Day

I did very little today. Having a free period has already begun to endow me with an increased propensity for procrastination. It's rather unfortunate, really.

I've also been web surfing. First I was sucked into TVTropes, which I found through XKCD, and then I ended up reading another long Harry Potter fan fiction that is actually turning out to be really good, and I'd quite like to finish that up this evening, so I'm not going to write particularly much.

Interesting, how now that I finished with the Hemingway my sentences have gotten almost intolerably verbose.

Book Lists

Here is Crazy's list of books that would, ideally, be taught in a high school. Here are those which I have read, or will read:

-The Odyssey, unfortunately

-selections from The Canterbury Tales are next year

-so is The Scarlet Letter

-selections from Emerson, but at church, not school.

-selections from Thoreau, although I read Walden during the summer.

-Little Woman, but I read that, for myself, in elementary school

-Jane Eyre, a summer book, again.

-A Tale of Two Cities, in sophomore English

-Romeo and Juliet, Othello, and A Midsummer Night's Dream

-The Sun Also Rises, which I'm midway through. Also, Crazy wrote the following: "I like it better than A Farewell to Arms and HUGELY better than that stupid story where he chases around the fish." I agree with her whole-heartedly.

-The Great Gatsby, which I read this fall

-a short story by Woolf

I'm rather appalled that she didn't include Catcher in the Rye, which really ought to be on any list, in my opinion.

I also found a list here of thirty books everyone should read before their 30th birthday:

1. Sidartha- from what I've heard, I'll pass, although it supposedly helps on SATs.
2. 1984- I should probably read that one eventually.
3. To Kill A Mockingbird- I read it in eighth grade, and, to be honest, I think it's a bit overrated.
4. A Clockwork Orange- would have been better if Otis hadn't spoilt it.
5. For Whom the Bell Tolls- it's Hemingway, and not Old Man and Sea, so maybe I'd like it
6. War and Peace- sounds long and painful
7. The Rights of Man- is written by Paine. More or less pain than War and Peace?
8. The Social Contract- Rousseau. This is not a novel. I will not read it.
9. One Hundred Years of Solitude- anything that "does not have a plot in the traditional sense" does not seem as if it will be a great deal of fun.
10. The Origin of Species- well, that might actually be fun.
11. The Wisdom of the Desert- sounds like something my mom would read before forcing a new supplement on me.
12. The Tipping Point- Malcolm Gladwell. Can I leave it at Outliers?
13. The Wind in the Willows- never heard of it. Sounds nice, though
14. The Art of War- military strategy. blech.
15. The Lord of the Rings- I've read some. Vastly overrated, again.
16. David Copperfield- I started it and liked it, but we read it in school next year, so I didn't want to do the whold thing.
17. Four Quartets- poetry? I'll pass.
18. Catch-22- this I'd rather like to read.
19. The Great Gatsby- been there, done that.
20. The Catcher in the Rye- see #19
21. Crime and Punishment- sounds foreign and confusing. What fun!
22. The Prince- Machiavell. Will probably destroy my optimistic worldview
23. Walden- I read it. Loved it. Highly recommend it.
24. The Republic- Plato. Not a novel. "Gripping and enduring" makes it sound like bad sex.
25. Lolita- this I'd like to read.
26. Getting Things Done- self help. I'd really rather not.
27. How to Win Friends and Influence People- more self help. And it sounds snooty.
28. Lord of the Flies- I've always wanted to read that one.
29. The Grapes of Wrath- I'm sorry, but I really just don't like Steinbeck.
30. The Master and Margarita- Emily read this, our teacher hadn't heard of it, but it's apparently quite good.

Yay books! Yay reading! Now, back to Hemingway.

Chuckles of Doom

As of yesterday, I had 269 posts. This made me chuckle. I can't remember what Tybalt's sequence of them was (he told Kathrya, who told me a while ago). I think we determined that 691:$ is two people sixty-nineing on a bed with wheels that somebody left money under.

I'm making completely crappy progress on the applications front. I write a little. I read a lot. I write a little more. I eat a lot. I stare at the page and revise a sentence. I go and see Avatar. I come home. I go on College Confidential and read other applicants stats. I get gloomy. I stop writing. I wring my hands over the futility of it all. I blog.

As you've no doubt noticed, I'm very productive.

To do tomorrow:

-write entire methods section of ASR paper

-finish printing those stupid briefs for gov.

-finish application, photocopy test scores, panic about typos

-pack up binders that have been scattered across the four corners of the house

I think I can handle is. Maybe. Kind of. Probably not, but I suppose I'll manage.

I'm actually looking forward to being back, if you can believe it. I love being here, and doing nothing, but learning is kind of fun (although I have been learning perl, I'm struggling with the newest chapter. Who knew that subroutines could be so complicated?)

Time for a Breather

Thank god.

I could not have survived one more day of school. I feel so tired, as if all I need is to just sink into bed and never get up again. I know, intellectually, that I should feel better in the morning, but right now that's difficult to comprehend.

I just watched Slumdog Millionaire. I was confused for at least 50% of the movie, but it didn't matter, because whenever I was confused, I just went mmmmmm, Dev Patil, and it was all good.

My family is so high on Christmas spirit that it's insane. Gretchen came over and we made meringues and decorated cookies. It was extremely fun. My parents attempted to extract information from her about guys, such as which of the Vaseline twins is better looking. Gretchen thinks that talking about that sort of thing with any adult is absolutely nuts, but to each their own, I suppose. Or, to be more correct, to each his or her own, but that his or hers thing is so very unwieldy.

Wonder Page

for my research paper.

-facial expressions (across species/cultures)

-feminism as a label (why is it not accepted by people who believe in equality)

-sexualization of preteens

-origination of leg shaving

-nation of immigrants

-gerrymandering

-cloning

-stem cells

-etc.

-modeling industry and eating disorders

-originations of language

-common grammatical constructs

-development of the English language

-women in science

-affirmative action

-the internet and hate speech

-how to teach gifted children

The Homework Monster

is going to eat me. I've literally been working all day today. It's really, really unfortunate.

Class yesterday was fine. I'm sure that funny things happened, but I woke up in the morning with a migraine halo thing, took three advil, and then spent the next six hours in a bit of a haze, trying not to fall asleep in the middle of class. Most of the day is still a bit blurry, although I think part of that was intentionally induced after listening to Mario wax poetic about Scarlett for half an hour.

I did hear an awesome halloween costume, though. A bunch of grapes: twine vines in hair, wear a purple dress, and liberally apply balloons. I'm wearing an old pair of my grandmother's old plaid golf pants this year (either scotsman, golfer, or scottish golfer), so the grapes will have to go on hold for the time being.

Math Meet

Kathrya is going to murder me. Ginny and I told Tybalt about our evaluative walk analysis. This coupled with our interrogation of him about what guys say when they want to get their haircut leads me to believe that Tybalt now believes that I'm insane. (As a side note, Kathrya totally deserves this for getting my hopes up about Tybalts GPA, which is a 4.46, a full tenth higher than mine, and therefore very, very far away.)

Also, Jeff's little brother, hereafter referred to as Micro, who calls his brother Jeff a communist, is actually a neocon jerk. He said that I am overly talkative! Me! Overly talkative! That bastard! My response to this was to storm over to the other table, which I hadn't been sitting at because Ginny and I felt like awkward social outcasts, and tell Melissa that Micro was being mean. I then got my calculus homework and brought it over with me, and Bryant pretty much helped me with every single problem. He really is wonderful, unlike Micro, who is a tiny little meanie.

I'll give a bit more info on the meet tomorrow.

Sex-Ed in the 70s

For my health class, we had to ask our parents about what sex-ed was like for them. I went to interview my mother, and her response was that there wasn't any. However, I had to get a full 3/4s of a double spaced page, so I dragged it out a lot and talked to my father as well, producing the following literary gem:

My mother had no sex-ed in high school. The only thing she remembers is that in fifth grade, they separated the boys and the girls into two different classrooms and watched a movie about puberty and development and getting your period and stuff like that. It was probably the same animated movie that we watched in fifth grade. She doesn’t recall having any classes in high school about health, sex, sexually transmitted diseases, alcoholism or drug abuse. There was nothing. They basically had to learn everything on their own. They didn’t even the many resources available on the internet today. They had to rely on what their friends told them and what they read in magazines. “We were clueless,” Mom says. She also didn’t learn anything at all from her parents.

My Dad also didn’t have sex-ed in high school. If he did have it, he has completely forgotten about it because it was so ineffectual. He does remember that they had something in sixth grade. They called it some sort of health class, and it definitely wasn’t sex-ed. They pretty much had a couple of classes with a guy teacher while the students were segregated into two classes. The guys got to watch movies. He thinks that he watched Reefer Madness, which was about the dangers of marijuana as a gateway drug. He also watched one movie about STDs. He’s fairly certain that while the boys were watching the movies, the girls were learning about menstrual cycles and stuff like that.

Budget Cuts

I'm really not fond of the Connecticut Post. Now, I will admit that I haven't read a particularly large amount of it. However, I know that the Republican grandfather I don't like swears by it, and he and my grandmother keep dropping by and 'accidentally' leaving a copy on our kitchen counter. I think they're hoping that I'll read it and become hopelessly brainwashed. Up until now, I'd mostly managed to avoid reading said newspaper. However, my American Government teacher, Mrs. Hirten, who talks a lot like Sarah Palin but with more 'likes' and a greater knowledge of U.S. policies and laws, assigned that we read this article and write a page-long, four paragraph summary of it for class on Tuesday.

I did not like this article. I did not like this article for multiple reasons, but mostly because I think it's very impartial journalism. It includes bushels of quotes by republicans insulting the dems, accusing them of being unwilling to accept reality and of being "unable to resist the temptation of pork-barrel spending." They are even "insult[ing]" the economic crisis and grasping the state legislature in "a stranglehold." They then make a brief mention that the democrats are trying to save non-profit funding and health and humans services programs and other lovely things. That doesn't sound like strangling to me- it sounds more like trying to help our state do something for its residents. After all, like we learned in gov last week, Americans are unique in that we want to know what our government can do for us, rather than just letting it do whatever. I am going to restrain myself from ranting about how untrue this is.

This article is also prone to statistical warping and scare tactics. Apparently, there is "a new tax rate for the state's wealthiest that's 33 percent higher than the current 5 percent." Oh my gawsh, 33 percent! That's a third! That's a lot! I just can't afford that, wealthy as I am! Well, if you actually look at those numbers, the rate is going from 5% to 6.6%, which is hardly a huge leap. Aside from that, they don't mention what this is 5% of- income? property taxes? It's very unclear. Also, everyone keeps going on about how we're raising the budget by $900 million. Well, according to Wikipedia, the U.S. has a 4.20 annual inflation rate. The total budget, minus that 900 million, is 36.7 billion. That's 36700000000. Now, lets multiply that by .042, giving us about 1.5 billion. 900 million is less that 1.5 billion. Therefor, our budget is increasing by less than the inflation rate, and is therefore in effect decreasing! So why can't everyone be happy that we're cutting anything and stop yelling at each other about it!

Also, why on earth would the state senate start a 2.5 hour meeting at midnight? I mean, seriously, a lot of those state senators are old. It would be stressful to their delicate sensibilities to pull all-nighters.

Well, I feel a bit better after that rant. Maybe I'll actually be able to write an impartial summary. If the article in question has a conservative bias, is my summary impartial if it is conservative? or is it impartial if it is moderate? What a fascinating consideration.

Today, the New York Times had this little snippet in the back of it's Week in Review. I think I'm quite capable of forming an opinion. I may have become a socialist for U.S. honors, but there is no way in hell I'll become a Republican for American Government. It just ain't happenin.

Biographical Poem

We had to write these for health class. Our teacher, Ms. Martie, is a recent college graduate and she's trying to use 'fun' curriculum. However, I'm pretty sure the curriculum was designed for elementary school students. Not that I'm complaining- last class, all we did was draw giant flowers that had our similarities in the middle and our differences on the petals. I was labeled "Math geek," since other people in the group had my standard plays piano, plays guitar, likes art, loves science, hates sports, and rarely watches TV.

Tea, Tea is her name

Tall, unique, yet entirely the same,

Loves her sisters, Genie and Shelby,

Feels emotions, sad and happy,

Needs her food and gives birthday presents,

Shares the planet with foxes and pheasants,

Fears the bloodsucking violent mosquitoes,

Likes to see movies and concerts and shows...

The last two lines are about my town and last name, but I figured that I ought to take them out. I'm so fabulously creative, no?

Also, speaking of our town, as you may or may not know, we have our own magazine. Well, I can't find the article online, but Dino is on the cover (along with 9 other students, including his older brother). I may have to bring it in and show it around a bit. Were you aware that he's a rising star of Paperclip High School? And his academic record is such that we should already know of him?

Whoever was researching clearly didn't realize the sheer number of students at PHS with academic records just as good as Dino's.