January 3, 2010

The Pain of Grammatical Errors

How does anyone expect to be taken seriously in life if they can't even bother to properly punctuate an important class assignment? I attend one of the best high schools in the country, but these kids seem to be barely literate. I'm reading briefs for cases, and I have to stop myself from cringing.

Examples are below, my comments in italics:

  • Is The Washington State mitigating factors law a violation of the Eight Amendment's Ban on "Cruel and Unusual Punishment"?
Because Everything must Sometimes be Capitalized, and punctuation goes Outside the Parentheses.
  • He went into the School Library and opened fire on the students, causing 4 students to dies and 5 to be brutally injured.
Spell out integers under ten. Since when is a school library a proper noun? Has your English teacher taught you nothing?
  • The Court found that he had bipolar disease but was sentenced to death due to the brutality of the crime under Washington State Law.
Murder is only brutal under Washington State Law- it is soft and fluffy in North Dakota. Bipolar disorder is no longer a disorder; it is now a disease. Don't get to close- you might catch it!
  • The ruling of the Washington State Supreme Court was incorrect because the
Yes, let's all not finish our own damn thesis statements, what a phenomenal idea!
  • In Ten similar Case of Eddings vs. Oklahoma, Eddings was convicted of murder, he was then interviewed by a team of psychiatrists and was proven to have an unstable behavior, he was exempt from the Death penalty due to prior cases like Lockett v. Ohio through individualized consideration of mitigating factors required by the Constitution.
This is a boy who will not pass is SATs, he will never write a word after high school, his college professors will bang their heads against their desks due to the absurd grammar of his general writings.
  • Although People who are 18 years old aren't considered to be a minor, this could've also been a factor within this case because the Teen's mind hasn't fully developed.
I want to stop skewering Stanley here, but it just keeps getting worse and worse. In fact, I'm just not going to read the rest. Moving along...
  • No 09-_______
Is it really that difficult to fill out the form?
  • Is the Washington State mitigating factors law a violation of the Eighth Amendment's ban on "cruel and unusual punishment."
Weirdly, Word auto-corrects this to a question mark outside of the parentheses. Has my grammatical education steered me down the wrong path?


Jackie said...

This actually makes me look forward to gov homework. I'm in shock.

Because I have lots of research paper work to do, and because I'm about as productive as (if not more!) Tea's post from yesterday would suggest, I will tell you all a very long story, which you may or may not read.

Last night, Lysander invited me to go bowling with the bike boys. I said maybe. Later, Benny called me and invited me again, because apparently he believes that I would be more likely to go if he invited me than if Lysander did, and he offered me a ride. He said he'd pick me up at 7:43. So i figured I'd go.
7:53: Benny and Druini (bike boy from Israel) pick me up. Benny manages to shove all the crap in his backseat into his trunk.
8:12: We pick up Lysander.
8:13: Lysander attempts to open the trunk to put in his three bowling balls.
8:14: Benny tosses him the key. Lysander opens the trunk. Lysander decides he will hold the balls in his lap and manages to shut the trunk with difficulty. Benny complains that he has to pee. I joke that he should go in the woods.
8:15: Benny goes in the woods.
8:16: We head for the bowling alley.
8:30: We get lost. Lysander and Druini have wars to see who has a better directions app on their phones. Benny does the opposite of all of Lysander's directions.
8:50: Arrive at bowling alley. Benny insists on backing into his parking space "because that's how a man does it!" and then proceeds to continue backing up to do a pull through parking job, backwards.
8:55: We enter the bowling alley. The guy at the desk tells us we can't use our free bowling pass because it's "x-treme bowling night." X-treme apparently means there are blacklights and trashy music videos playing on screens.
I suggest we go to Walmart. We proceed in a game of "What do you wanna do, i dunno, what do YOU wanna do?"
9:05: We decide we are cheapskates and don't want to pay for a game. We go to Walmart.
9:10: We wander around Walmart. Benny invents a game much like apples to apples: one person is the judge, and gives everyone else a minute to find the best card in the Hallmark rack. We took turns. When it was Benny's turn to judge, I chose a card for a 2 year old with trains on it. It won.
9:20: It is Druini's turn to judge. When he is not looking, Benny and I escape to the cleaning aisle, where we grab Swiffers and proceed to hunt down Druini and Lysander. I get Druini, he gets Lysander. Play continues as usual.
9:25: Benny creates a twist on the game, which involves him running away and us trying to find him.
9:27: I walk down a random aisle looking for Benny. At the end of it I see Druini checking himself out in a mirror, running his hand through his hair and straightening his collar. He looks up in time to see me doubled over laughing.
9:30: Lysander finds Benny with his hood up at the cashier, buying Reese's pieces and looking sketchy.
9:35: Johannes shows up before we can hide from him. I suggest we go find massage chairs.
9:37: I find swivel chairs, and run back to everyone else to suggest we have a race. I find them in the nerf aisle.

Jackie said...

9:37:30: Nerf sword fight begins. Benny and I face off and wind up in the next aisle over.
9:39:I stab him in the stomach, he falls down and i send a final blow to his neck.
9:40:The Reese's pieces he was hiding in his jacket spill everywhere.
9:40:30: Benny gathers up his Reese's pieces and eats them anyway.
9:41: I take Benny's sword and return to the nerf aisle, where i proceed to attack Druini and Lysander at the same time. I knock off both their legs and get Lysander in the stomach. Lysander insists he is still alive, because Inigo Montoya survived getting hit in the stomach too.
9:44: Store employee comes over. "We have seen you fighting with the swords on the cameras. Drop the swords and LEAVE THE STORE." Johannes immediately drops his sword where he is standing and darts away. Everyone else puts their swords back on the rack and slowly strolls out. Benny continues to eat his Reese's pieces, and offers me some that were on the floor. I refuse.
10:00: We arrive at Johannes's house. Johannes warns Benny that he will not be able to get out of his driveway. Benny parks in the driveway anyway and we all hide, having beaten Johannes to his own house. Johannes did not manage to hit anything on his way home, though he did run a red light.
10:01: Johannes pulls into the driveway and sees all of us. We are not very good at hiding. We go inside and eat cheesecake that Lysander brought - leftovers from his parents' new year's party.
10:07: Gunther (bike boy who was at Halloween and went looking for my dog) shows up and tells skiing stories.
10:14: There are two lights above Johannes's kitchen table. One of them goes out; the other one is still on.
10:14:05: Johannes says, "WHOA! Did the power just go out?"
10:14:10: Benny and I look at each other, then at the still-lit lamp, and back at each other again. We burst out laughing and can't stop for a few minutes, which turns out to be a problem because we both have our mouths full of cheesecake.
10:15: Johannes flips the kitchen switch to make the rest of the lights go on. I am tempted to say, "Look! The power came back on!"
10:17: Everyone leaves. Benny gives Druini and me rides home.
10:26: For the first time ever, I am home on time after hanging out with the bike boys.

Tea said...

ha. ha. HAAHAHAHAHA. Ahem.

You have been kicked out of Walmart. Congratulations on completing this standard rite of passage. Your evening sounds like a heck of a lot more fun then mine.

Dinner last night:
Shelby: salt.
Genie: I'm not going to pass her the salt. She dented my water bottle!
Shelby: I didn't know it was yours!
Tea: Okay, you totally knew. You are not THAT stupid.
Shelby: No, I didn't. I did not know.
Mom: Shelby, stop lying.
Shelby: I'm not lying, why won't anybody believe me.
Genie: I want a new water bottle.
Dad: pass the salad.

Silence, for the rest of dinner. Fun, fun fun.

Gretchen said...

see jackie, this is why you have to get a blog!! it would be hilarious.

Jackie said...

i think i'll just piggyback off of tea's. if i had an actual blog i would never get any work done...oh i forgot:

Benny, returning from the woods: I wrote my name in the snow.
Me: Benny, i was JOKING you dork.
*Druini dies of laughter
Lysander: You shoulda written "Benny was here."
Benny: I didn't drink enough for that.

Jackie said...

And I'm sorry about your dinner. It at least has entertainment value for us blog followers :)

Jackie said...

For Tea - A Comparison of the Stupid People in My Gov Class to the Stupid People in Yours: Some Gems.

"Dr. Elliot Meyer, principle at Charter Oak High School , believed this was not constitutional, and refused to have such events be apart of the everyday school routine at his high school. Dr. Meyer saw the phrase “under God” as a violation of the First Amendments, ban on the establishment of religion."

So if the events should not be apart of the school, they should take place, right?

"All religions of the world recognize one supreme being; therefore the term under god does not single out any one religion. "

I'm so glad we silly-stringed this girl on Halloween.

"As the Court’s decision in the case Engel v. Vitale from 1962 indicates," (end of paragraph)

Such a clear indication, I don't know how I missed it.

"The pledge of allegiance was formed years ago and continues today as a historic tradition so it too should be continued out as historic tradition."

So, if we extrapolate from there, old historical traditions such as slavery and segregation ought to be continued too.

ha, ha. our classmates are failures at life.