June 13, 2009


Awkward conversation with my 12 year old sister, Shelby. Be prepared for graphic discussion of female anatomy.

S: I'm trying to use a tampon
T: okay...
S: I'm having trouble.
T: You just take the tampon and stick it up there. It's not that hard.
S: Yes it is! I can't find the up there!
T: What?
S: I can't find the hole!
T: Urgh. I was trying to read Questionable Content.
S: Sorry.
T: No, it's fine. I'll draw you a picture.
*tea grabs paper and pen*
T: You know where your vagina is, right.
S: Uhhh.....down there?
T: *sigh* Where does the blood come out?
S: In between the foldy things?
T: Gaaaahhh.
*draws picture of two squiggly things with some holes in between them*
T: Okay. Those are the labia.
S: They look like snakes.
T: Psh. Okay, that's the clit.
S: Ummm.
T: You don't know what that is. I suppose you'll learn eventually.
S: Okay.....
T: look, that ones where the pee comes out. That's the vagina.
S: Wait- the pee doesn't come out on the bottom?
T: No, it does not.
S: Really? Cause I always thought that-
T: No, it doesn't.
S: I still don't understand how I'm supposed to fit a tampon up there.
T: It fits, alright?
S: But it's so small.
T: When you have a baby, it reaches 10 centimeters.
S: what?
T: this big.
T: How else are you supposed to get a baby out? Honestly.
S: What about penises. How do people have sex?
T: (thinks: why am I the one teaching my little sister about sex. Shouldn't my mother be doing this? or her health teacher? or the internet, even, just something other than me?) says: When you're going to have sex, you make lubricant.
S: What's lubricant?
T: Slimy stuff.
S: Oh. How does that help?
T: I don't know, it just does. Do you think you can find your vagina on your own now?
S: Probably?
T: Good.

10 minutes later...
T: Shelby, you alright?
S: Yeah. It feels funny.
T: But you found it?
S: Yeah. It still feels weird though.
T: You'll get used to it.
*end conversation*

Well, at least I probably will not have to do that again until I have my own children.
Thank god.


vicky/bruney said...

OMG I was never so happy that I have a brother... I think he can figure out where the penis is on his own...it's kinda obvious...
nice that you know all the body parts down there...if I was explaining this to someone, my description would consist only of hole and and thingy...

Tea said...

I'm not sure if I want to know what a thingy is....

Jackie said...

if she can't even figure out where it is, i feel terrible for the first guy who comes along...
and my word verification describes this perfectly: pheasco

Gretchen said...

i'm glad csardas doesn't have these convos. with me...

well hypothetically speaking, if she did, i'd say figure it out by yourself